Brighter Than Sunshine
by starclouds
Summary: Complete! Love is brighter than sunshine. Meredith and Derek finally realize what love is about, and they will try to do everything to hold on to it. Inspired by Aqualung's Brighter Than Sunshine and follows after the ferryboat arc. Please read and review
1. I Never Knew What Love Was For

**A/N: First Grey's fic, so there. I was just watching **_**A Lot Like Love**_** the other day and Aqualung's song just popped up and I thought it'd make a great Grey's fic. Done right after the ferryboat accident (yes, it's been too overused, I know!) but I liked that part to go on and move on from. Will add more chapters when I finish this but I'll be uploading them one at a time because my Internet isn't cooperating. Hope you like it! Please read and review:)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own and I am not affiliated to Grey's Anatomy or any characters used in this story. I am simply using this for non-profit fiction. I also don't own Aqualung's song, Brighter Than Sunshine.**

_**I never understood before**_

_**I never knew what love was for**_

_**My heart was broke, my head was sore**_

_**What a feeling**_

Derek Shepherd was tired. He had been sitting alone in his office for over an hour, thoughts of taking a short nap in the works, but so far, he still had no luck. Over the course of the day, he had been stuck with numerous consults and check-ups with his patients, two scheduled surgeries, and one emergency surgery for a little boy who hit his head on a pole while riding his bike. All Derek wanted to do at that moment was to sleep, curl up in bed with his girlfriend and sleep until he finally found a reason to wake up. Pressing his palms over his eyes, he let the darkness envelope him to relax himself, however, his thoughts were invaded with events that happened over the past week.

ooo

_He headed towards Meredith's hospital room to check on her and possibly crash on the couch for the night so he could stay with her. He was still pretty much shaken up with what happened that day, with Meredith nearly out cold and dead for hours after drowning and her mother dying just as she was waking up. Derek felt like he was about to explode from everything: his fear of losing Meredith was certainly taking its toll on his consciousness as he headed towards her room. He barely even noticed the interns pass by, bidding him good night. They must've just gone to visit her before they headed home._

_Meredith's room was darkened, the monitors and emergency buttons being the only source of light to the room, along with the bright fluorescent lights from the hallways that seeped through the glass windows. Derek sighed heavily as he watched his girlfriend sleep, monitors blinking around her and a thermal blanket wrapped around her body. He dropped his bag on the couch before striding over to her bed, only to be met with her blue-green eyes intently watching him._

"_Hey there." Derek whispered, smoothing her hair as he leaned down to kiss her softly on the forehead. She smiled at him, his hand still stroking her hair. "Are you feeling alright?" he said, watching her closely. She could see the worry behind his gaze even if he tried to cover it with his infamous McDreamy smile._

"_Hi." Meredith whispered hoarsely, still looking at him. With much struggle because of the heavy blanket, she scooted in her bed, trying to make room for him. Derek kept her from straining herself by gently moving her himself, before snuggling in beside her. "Sorry," she mumbled, pulling on the heavy thermal blanket to make more room, "this thing is heavy."_

"_Hey, hey. Don't worry about it. You know it's supposed to keep your temps up." Derek said, wrapping his left arm around her shoulders. Meredith turned her body to face him, her left hand intertwining his right as they lay in bed together. His face had an air of concern and Meredith frowned slightly. She somehow knew what he was feeling right now and she didn't want him to feel that way. He was about to open his mouth when she interrupted him. "Derek, I'm fine. It's going to be okay." Meredith whispered, squeezing his hand to emphasize her point. "I'm alive."_

_Derek's face softened at her words and he sighed. He could still feel the cold in her fingers, and traces of the accident from the morning were still visible in Meredith's appearance. Her hair was still pretty mussed up; hints of blue were still around her lips, the smell of water that drowned her in the bay still lingered. "I'm just worried Meredith." He whispered in her hair, "Today was the scariest day of my life."_

"_Derek, I'm so sorry…"_

"_Shhh." He murmured, putting a finger to her lips and tightened his arm around her, "I know you'll be fine. Don't worry about me. I want you to take care of yourself."_

_Meredith sighed in his arms. She laid her head on his chest and breathed in his scent, her hand once again intertwined with his. She could feel his breath on her hair, his warmth enveloping her better than the thermal blanket. "Stay tonight?" she asked softly, knowing his answer anyway._

"_That was the plan." He answered quietly. Derek felt her relax in his arms and drift off to sleep. Resting his chin on her hair, he reveled in the feeling of having Meredith in his arms—safe, sound and alive. He thanked the heavens that she was with him right now instead of a cold, steel table in the morgue. The mere thought made Derek nauseous and emotional at the same time, he didn't even notice the tears leaking out the corner of his eyes. "God, I love you so much Meredith." Kissing the top of her head, Derek willed his body to fall asleep._

ooo

"Dr. Shepherd? Derek?"

Derek was jolted awake by a presence inside his office. Chief Surgeon Richard Webber had decided to check on his Head of Neurosurgery and found himself a surgeon huddled in his desk with his hands over his face. He knew Derek Shepherd had just gone through the worst week of his life, with what the ferry boat accident brought and a traumatic experience of nearly losing Meredith Grey while trying to revive her mother; it was enough to drain the life out of anybody.

"Ah, Chief. I didn't see you there." Derek said, looking up at the older man in front of him. Richard came in and watched the young surgeon in front of him. "Can I… uh, do anything for you?"

Richard stopped and looked at him before speaking. "Yes, yes. I was just supposed to get you to check on Dr. Grey." He said, momentarily forgetting what he was supposed to tell him. Derek was already up on his feet, his weary mind suddenly awake.

"Is everything okay?" Derek asked, grabbing his stethoscope and heading for the door. Richard followed suit. "Is she alright?"

"Everything is alright, Derek. Meredith's fine, don't get yourself too much in a knot." Richard said, gently placing his hand on Derek's back. "I just wanted you to check on her so that she can be cleared and released tonight." Derek instantly relaxed as they headed towards Meredith's room.

"Of course, of course." Derek muttered incomprehensibly, trying to cover up for his recent panic attack over Meredith's well being. He didn't realize that he was too caught up with his worry for Meredith, that any mention of her health was giving him random (and pointless) panic attacks over the love of his life. "Sorry, I was just worried."

"It's understandable Derek." Richard said consolingly, turning the knob of Meredith's room open. "I know it was scary, but you have to relax because she's doing fine. She's okay… and that's what's important."

Derek nodded. A talk with Miranda Bailey the first night he fell asleep on Meredith's bed surfaced, and he sighed.

ooo

_Miranda Bailey was just about to check on Meredith Grey before she headed home. She was after all her intern and she did care for her, no matter how much they called her the Nazi. She didn't mind really, it was not her nature to be soft, but rather be intimidating and daunting. It seemed to work better in training doctors. She entered Meredith's room and wasn't all too surprised by the scene in front of her._

_Derek was sleeping beside Meredith in that small hospital bed, his arm wrapped around her protectively. Meredith seemed content to sleep in his arms, her head resting lightly on his chest. Miranda picked up a blanket from the couch and threw it over Derek to keep him warm for the night before turning to check on her chart and monitors. He stirred from his sleep, his eyes squinting to see who was inside Meredith's room._

"_Dr. Bailey?" Derek mumbled as he pulled his body up from his position to look at her. "I thought you went home already?"_

"_I'm sorry Dr. Shepherd, did I wake you up?" Miranda asked, hooking Meredith's chart to the foot of her bed. "I was just about to head home. I just wanted to check on Dr. Grey."_

_Derek shook his head. "Oh, no, no. I'm a light sleeper; I wake up with the slightest movement." He said, watching Miranda shuffle around the room. He just noticed the blanket around his torso. "Uh, thanks." He smoothed the blanket over his middle._

"_It's nothing." Miranda muttered as she checked on Meredith's monitors again. "So… this is Derek Shepherd. The non-neurosurgeon Derek Shepherd."_

"_What?" Derek looked at Miranda Bailey. "What are you talking about Dr. Bailey?"_

_She was just staring at him. Miranda Bailey sure looked different when she wasn't being the mean surgical resident every intern feared. "You're Derek Shepherd. Head of Neurosurgery, a renowned doctor, a man who got his heart broken, but look at him now, madly in love with the woman in his arms." She shrugged knowingly. "Yet, for some reason, he still looks scared just as he was this morning."_

_Derek sighed. "I still am scared Dr. Bailey. I still am."_

"_Whatever for?" She was still watching Derek. The man looked like he needed someone to snap him out of his current state._

"_Meredith. She didn't swim. She's a good swimmer. I'm still scared I'm going to lose her." Derek whispered, his eyes filling to the brim. No, he didn't want to cry in front of a resident. Especially, not Miranda Bailey._

_Miranda sighed. "Look, Dr. Shepherd… Derek. Meredith—she's going to be fine. She's breathing on her own. And as much we know that she nearly gave up this morning, look at her, she's still here. Alive, breathing, talking and everything we wanted to happen to her."_

"_She didn't swim…"_

"_She came back. I don't think that's included in the list of 'giving up'." Miranda said, looking at Derek straight in the eye. "Look, we could've called her after we knew that her heart wasn't picking up. But we didn't, and she came back. Think of it, she might've been just fighting everything just to get back. And you know, it's okay to be scared. You're human Derek, and it's okay to be scared. But it's never good to think of those things when you know that Meredith chose you over death. She was already in the high heavens before she came back to life, and I don't think she'd be very happy to know you're giving up in the faith that she came back for you."_

_Derek closed his eyes. "Do you think… do you really think she came back for me?"_

_Miranda shrugged. "Her mother's dead. And she always has been even before she met you and became an intern here; she's been dead in her eyes for as long as we know. Her father doesn't recognize her so much so as another girl in this hospital. And you, do you love her?"_

"_Who doesn't know the answer to that?"_

"_Well, if you have been asking yourself if she loves you the way you do, you don't have to ask."_

"_What? I don't understand what you're saying Miranda." Derek said, running his hand in his hair. He didn't know Miranda Bailey could be a very confusing woman._

"_Look," Miranda grunted, "I don't think you're stupid Dr. Shepherd. On the contrary actually. You have a good brain inside your skull and a good heart on your head. Now, if you've been asking yourself 'Does Meredith Grey love me as much as I do?' then the answer is yes. Yes, she damn loves you so much she came back to life. My intern loves you so damn much that she's willing to get all broken and battered and dead, only to be revived back to life so she can be with you."_

_With that, she left the room leaving Derek to his thoughts._

ooo

"Are you sure you're feeling alright, Dr. Shepherd?" Richard asked, his eyes surveying the young man in front of him. "You look… distracted."

"I'm okay, Chief." He replied, entering Meredith's room. Cristina was sitting on a chair with a cup of pudding by Meredith's bed; the two seemed to be in the middle of some discussion. "Good evening Dr. Yang and Dr. Grey." Richard announced as they entered the room. Derek simply nodded and smiled at Meredith. Cristina jumped up from her seat as the two senior doctors entered her friend's room.

"Uh, good evening Chief, Dr. Shepherd." Cristina mumbled as Derek approached Meredith's bed. She looked at her friend before she made a beeline for the door. "I'll uh… I'll come back for you later, Mer."

"I'll see you later, Cristina." Meredith said as she watched her best friend go. She turned her head towards Derek and the Chief. "Uhm, hi."

Derek smiled. "Hi. I'm supposed to check up on you so you can be released tonight." He said, cocking his head to the side as he looked at her. Richard Webber was holding up the CT scan films over the light.

"CT results look good." Richard said, still checking the films carefully. Derek had taken the position beside him to check as well. "I think you can go home tonight Dr. Grey."

"Yeah, I think she can." Derek nodded his agreement as he signed the release papers clipped on the board. "A few days off and you'll be fine."

"A few days off?" Meredith squeaked as she stared at the two doctors in front of her. "Seriously?"

Derek looked at her. "Don't you want the break? You need to take a break. That was just too much trauma for you to be back on your feet Meredith."

Meredith gaped at him. It was actually the first time that Derek addressed her as 'Meredith' in front of the Chief. Both didn't seem to mind anyway.

"I agree with Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Grey." Richard said, agreeing with his head of Neurosurgery. "You can have the next week off. And you can go home tonight."

She seemed relieved. "I can? Great." Meredith said, smiling. She swung her feet over the bed to start packing what little belongings she had in the room. She turned her head, only to find the Chief of Surgery and Derek huddled in the corner of her room discussing something.

Richard had pulled Derek off to one side as soon as Meredith had gotten up from her bed to fix her things. "I want you to take the week off too, Dr. Shepherd." Richard stated his eyes boring through the younger man. "You need to take a break."

"What? I really don't…"

Richard shook his head. "Look, I'm watching out for you here, as your boss and as your friend. You need a break. It wasn't the best week and you know that. You should be lucky I'm giving you this week off, but that's because I can see and feel that you need it the most over everybody else." He said, shrugging at Derek's questioning look. "I gave Dr. Grey the next week off. Just like you said, she needs all the time to get back on her feet, and you and I both know that she needs all the support and care she can get."

"But her…"

"Dr. Grey's friends are interns. And as much as they want to stay with their friend to help her out, they know they can't because they're in this program and they have to save lives every single day." Richard said, waving him off.

Derek rolled his eyes. "And I don't have to save lives everyday?"

"Of course you do. But you're an attending. That's the difference between an attending and an intern. You have the benefits, they don't. I believe you already know that seeing as you've gone through the whole damn process before."

"Ah." Derek clamped his mouth shut, trying to conceal a smile forming in his lips. "I'll take the week off then, Chief."

"Good. I'll see you in a week then Dr. Grey." Richard said, turning his heel towards the door. "And you too, Dr. Shepherd."

Derek smiled. "Thank you Chief." Meredith was still staring at him. "What?"

"You have a week off too?" Meredith asked in disbelief. "Dr. Derek Shepherd asking a week off from Seattle Grace? Are you serious?"

"Hey! I didn't ask. For your information, it was willingly given to me." Derek said with a feigned hurt look. Meredith looked up at him and smiled. They were starting over again.

"Hi." She whispered and held her hands up around his neck. Derek stepped in closer and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Hey." He whispered. "How are you feeling?"

"Good. Feeling really great." Meredith said, turning her face up to meet his. He leaned down to kiss her softly on the lips. "When do you get out?"

He laughed. "Right now would be good. I've been here for more than 72 hours; I think I already deserve my right to sleep in a bed. You want to grab some dinner before I drive you home?"

"Hell yeah. Now I know why the patients hate hospital food. It's really, really, really horrible." Meredith said, rolling her eyes. "Makes me appreciate your salads and your green leafy vegetables."

Derek stuck his tongue out at her. "See, I told you they weren't so bad." He said, resting his chin on her hair again. "Have you been living off the pudding?"

"Yep. And Cristina ate my last one." Meredith laughed as she pulled from the embrace and Derek never felt happier to hear her laugh again. Going back to her bed, she pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt over her head, and Derek watched her from his position, a small smile playing in the corners of his mouth. "What are you staring at Dr. Shepherd?" She asked over her shoulder, knowing full well the extent of Derek's gazing.

"I'm staring at you Dr. Grey." Derek stood behind her, facing the small mirror as she tied her hair into a messy ponytail. "Is there anything wrong with that?"

She shrugged. "Not really." Meredith said smiling. She turned around and faced him, her blue-green eyes looking back at his own blue ones. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah. Sure am." Derek said, "Uh, you're all packed?" He turned around, only to find a small overnight bag resting on her bed. "You're just bringing _that_ home?" He pointed at the small bag.

Meredith followed his gaze. "Hmm, well, I did get everything I needed from my locker so I left them there. I just asked Izzie to bring me a few clothes and that's it." She said, biting her lip.

Derek smiled. "Alright, we better get going then." He pushed the door open, ushering Meredith to go ahead. Her friends were standing a bit off the nurse's station, apparently waiting for her. "Go meet them up first. I just gotta throw this inside my office before we go." He said motioning to his white lab coat. Meredith nodded as he headed off to the direction of his office.

"So, you're leaving tonight?" Cristina asked, her eyes following Derek Shepherd stalk out of the room. Izzie and Alex immediately stopped bickering when they saw her approaching. George's head snapped up as soon as he heard her answer Cristina's question.

"Yeah, leaving tonight and the next week off." Meredith answered, shrugging. "You're going somewhere?" Izzie asked, her eyes widening. "I wish I could go for a break."

Alex smirked. "Go drown yourself then Izzie. You'll get a break."

"Shut up Alex." Izzie snapped.

Cristina waved off the now impending bickering assault from the two. "So, you and McDreamy are going on a vacation?" she asked. George was trying to hide a laugh from emanating his mouth. Meredith looked surprised. "What are you laughing about George?" Cristina continued, staring pointedly at her fellow intern.

George raised his hands in defeat. "Not laughing. No, I am not laughing." He said, backing off from the mean stares issuing from Cristina Yang. His pager sounded off, one of his patients seemed to be on some sort of epileptic attack. "Uh, have fun on your vacation Mer. I mean, if you're going away or something." His pager continued to beep. "I gotta go." George muttered, breaking off into a run to the opposite direction. Meredith turned back to Cristina.

"How did you know Derek had the week off too?" She asked, staring at her best friend.

Cristina turned her head towards the direction of the OR schedule board. A nurse was erasing Derek's name from all the scheduled surgeries for the week and replacing them with the name of whoever surgeon was available. "That's why."

"Ah, I never knew that the surgery schedule could be the source of the new hospital gossip line." Meredith muttered under her breath and Cristina rolled her eyes. "Anyway, I don't know what's going to happen this week. We never talked about it."

"You're just going to be home?" Izzie asked, finally breaking away from the pointless bickering she and Alex were having. "I don't know yet, Iz." Meredith replied, "I'll tell you when I know."

"Okay." Izzie agreed, "I'll go bake you something if you're staying home. And I'll probably clean the house too, especially the room George used to sleep in. It's getting dusty in there."

Alex turned his head. "Is that room big?" He asked before being cut off by a page. Izzie opened her mouth to answer. "Hold that thought." He said, running towards the elevator to get to his patient's room.

"Hey, your McDreamy's coming." Cristina said, looking behind Meredith. Izzie turned to look and Meredith followed suit. "And there's carnage in the pit, Bailey's hollering. I better go." She said, both her and Izzie's pagers sounding off at the same time. "Call me for whatever." The two broke off into a run towards the emergency room, leaving Meredith alone to meet Derek.

"Ready?" Derek asked, taking Meredith's bag from her hands. He had changed from his regular hospital attire of dark blue scrubs and white coat to something that would match Meredith's current clothing: a pair of jeans, his lazy sneakers and an olive sweater. He handed Meredith's clipboard to a nurse in the station. "Dr. Grey's release papers and medical records. Please tell the Chief we already left, okay?" He told the nurse behind the high counters.

"Not a problem Dr. Shepherd." Meredith snapped out of her Derek-staring moment. Derek smirked. "Mer. Let's go?"

Meredith looked up at him. "Oh, yeah, yeah. Let's go." Derek pulled her closer to him, once again wrapping his arm around her waist. They headed towards the elevator and found themselves face to face with a tired looking Dr. Bailey. "Good evening, Dr. Bailey." Derek greeted, nodding at the resident inside the elevator. She must've not noticed their presence until Derek's greeting. Miranda nodded.

"Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Grey." Miranda said. She eyed the small bag in Derek's hands and back up to Meredith. "I see you're going home Dr. Grey. Good for you."

Meredith shifted uncomfortably. She knew Bailey might go ballistic for losing one intern for the week. "Uhm, thanks Dr. Bailey." She said softy, not being able to look at her in the eye.

Miranda seemed to have sensed the discomfort from Meredith. "I'll see you in a week, Dr. Grey." She looked up at her and gave her a small smile. It caught Meredith off guard as Bailey stepped off her floor, while she and Derek remained inside. Miranda Bailey did not smile at her interns.

Derek smiled at the exchange that happened between his girlfriend and her resident. Squeezing her shoulders, Meredith looked at him and he kissed the side of her head. "You'll be fine." He whispered. Memories of Miranda Bailey's last words this morning before surgery seeped through his fuzzy mind and Derek smiled.

ooo

"_This is what love really is then, Dr. Shepherd?" Miranda Bailey said, cradling the hot cup of coffee in between her hands as she and the Head of Neurosurgery rode the elevator car towards the surgery floor. Derek Shepherd looked at her._

"_Like what, Dr. Bailey?" He asked, cocking his head to the side to get a better look at his colleague._

"_The thing with medicine, doctors and surgeons like to be in control. They want the damage and the chaos to be in control as they wield the scalpel in their hands, or when they push the drugs into the bloodstream of their patients. That's why some don't like medicine. They think doctors don't feel emotion because somehow, they don't feel anything when they lose their patients on the table. They are cold and unfeeling whenever they have to tell the patient's family that they'll never see them again. But it's not true, is it Dr. Shepherd?"_

_Derek shook his head. "No." It was true, Derek always felt miserable whenever the patient he just operated on died, or whenever he had the job of telling it to the family. It was easier to lie, but he knew well enough they didn't deserve that. And with what happened to Meredith, he never felt anything like that sense of relief when he knew that she'll be fine. She's alive, and she's with him._

"_Love, you love someone and you can't get them out of your head. There's no medical explanation to it, there's no real reason behind it. People who are bitter say they don't know what love is, but that's just a bunch of crap. They want to be loved, that's why they're bitter. People always get their heart broken but they keep on loving. We sometimes need a hit on the head for us to know what's ahead of us. Love isn't just a feeling Derek."_

_Derek gulped. At some point in his life, he thought, he thought love was just being able to relate and understand someone, get a person with the same interests as you and you fall in love. That's what he thought when he was married to Addison. But after he met Meredith, it was all different. It was… everything he depended on. _

"_You understand love now, Dr. Shepherd?"_

"_So, this is what love is for." Derek whispered, looking at the woman beside him. Miranda Bailey sure surprised him a lot of times this week. "Thank you, Dr. Bailey."_

_Miranda simply nodded at him as they got out to the surgical floor._

**A/N: I must've edited this thing for the nth time because I've been trying to get rid of all the grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. So there. Only few reviews, so I sad. :( However, I did get a lot of alerts, so thank you, thank you, thank you for reading. I'll be updating soon. :)**


	2. Tied Up In Ancient History

**A/N: Update to the story, I'm on some writing high right now so expect the updates sooner than expected. Not the best chapter because I do find it hard to write from Meredith's POV since after the accident and I'm trying to fit this in the space after the accident part and the ending of said episode. Well, anyway, hope you like it anyway and please don't forget to review:)**

_**Tied up in ancient history**_

_**I didn't believe in destiny**_

_**I look up you're standing next to me**_

_**What a feeling**_

Meredith Grey looked up at the house she called "home". It really wasn't her house, it was her mother's, but since she was dead, it was legally hers. She somehow forgot that her mother was already dead and she winced at the thought. A soft hand cupped her cheek and she turned, only to find Derek's blue eyes watching her with worry.

"Hey Mer," he asked softly as he caressed her cheek, "are you okay?" She nodded.

"I'm fine Derek." She whispered, leaning in to his warmth. Meredith couldn't believe how lucky she was to be with this man. "Come on, let's go." Derek heaved a sigh and exited the car, going around to the passenger's seat to open her door. He held his hand out and helped Meredith out, her hands holding on tightly as if she was holding onto it for life.

Derek fumbled for the keys while Meredith stood a bit off the front porch. He couldn't help but look at her concernedly, and as much as he knew Meredith didn't appreciate him looking at her like that, he just could not stop staring. He was still scrabbling with his keys and was surprised when a pair of hands wrapped themselves around his middle. He felt Meredith's face lean in to his back and he tried to turn his body to face her.

"Mer?" He could somehow feel Meredith smile behind him and she suddenly moved her position to his side. He was caught more off guard when she suddenly kissed him on the cheek. "Hmm. What was that for?" He asked, now wrapping his arm around her as they stepped inside the front door. "Not that I'm complaining, mind you."

Meredith just smiled. "Thank you." The two were now walking towards the living room and both bodies flopped down on the couch at the same time. Derek kissed the side of her head. "I forgot that my mother's dead. I have a dead mommy."

"Oh, Mer…" Derek tightened his grip on her waist but she just shook her head. Meredith continued. "I'm fine, it's okay. Ellis Grey is dead and I forgot about it. So, now, I have to think about what I should do with her and stuff." She said with finality in her voice. Derek just looked at her in confusion and she still sat there, a sad smile on her face and a little bit of moisture on her eyes. She was still looking at Derek in a way that just tells him, she'll be fine. Just like she always is—even when she's not.

"You don't have to deal with this right now, you know." Derek whispered as Meredith settled in his arms. She nodded. "I know. But that doesn't matter anymore, does it?" Meredith said, her sad smile changing as she continued. "So I want to forget about it. I want to move on. And I will start right now." She looked at her boyfriend, a faint twinkle in her eye. "And you, Derek Shepherd, will help me. You will feed me right now." Derek just looked dumbfounded.

"I… uh, yeah. Oh yeah." He said, blinking. He momentarily forgot that Meredith still hadn't eaten since they left the hospital, partly surprised at how fast Meredith could change topics to discuss. Grabbing the phone from the side table, he dialed the number to their favorite pizza place as he watched Meredith cross the room to dump their jackets in the hall closet. "Is pizza good, Meredith?"

"And pasta!" Meredith's voice carried across the room. She seemed to be heading up the stairs to their room and Derek merely shook his head as he stated his orders over the phone.

ooo

Thirty minutes later, the two were in bed, a half-eaten box of pizza on the bed's end and a box of pasta in Derek's hands. Meredith was laughing at Derek, spaghetti sauce covered lips and all. She liked this feeling, laughing. Yeah, it felt really good to laugh. It certainly felt better than getting water inside your lungs and feeling constricted. Or you know, seeing the spirit of your dead mother walk towards you. Or… or waking up inside a hospital trauma room feeling broken and hurt and three hundred volts of electricity just coursed through your body. Or, finally realizing that you nearly left someone who loves you so damn much…

Meredith didn't realize that she had broken down in tears, sobbing heavily as Derek took her in his arms while gently shaking her to proper sanity. His soothing voice finally broke through when she felt his hands cup her face, firm, yet gentle enough for her to know that he was there for her. She looked up and found herself staring back into his clear blue eyes. Derek rested his forehead with hers, his thumbs still wiping away the tears that were still pouring from her eyes.

"Meredith," Derek whispered softly, his breath warming her face, "Meredith. Hey… shhh. It's okay. I'm here." His arms instantly wrapped themselves around her and Meredith crashed in his strong chest, as Derek continued to calm her down.

Meredith willed her emotions to stop with no avail. She continued to sob, occasionally sending watery hiccups as Derek continued to run his hands up and down her back. In moments, Meredith was gasping for air as she felt the air crush around her, mingled with her non-stop crying. Memories from Meredith's past suddenly flooded inside her head and she tried to stop, remembering bitter glimpses of her childhood and the mother she never knew.

ooo

_A little eight-year-old Meredith Grey sat alone in the front stoop of her house late in the afternoon, waiting for her mother to come home. It was getting late, the sun was beginning to set and Meredith watched as cars passed by their street, some of them getting into their driveways with fathers and mothers hurrying to meet their children by the front door. The kids, some of them of Meredith's age were jumping up and down as they barreled down the front steps, fathers catching their hyperactive sons and mothers handing their little girls a small doll to play with. At that point in time, Meredith knew how it felt to be lonely._

_She had been sitting in that front stoop since she had been let out of school, and that was over three hours ago. Resting her chin on her hands, Meredith stared blankly at the small patch of earth in their lawn, picking the imaginary lint off her skirt. She wished she could've gone inside their house, with an after-school snack just like everybody else she knew. Her friends have told her about the best chocolate chip cookies they have ever tasted (each one different because everybody had a different mom), with a big glass full of milk and if they were lucky, they'd have ice cream afterwards. Sometimes, Meredith wished she could have someone bring her to the park to play after school, and she couldn't go there alone because the park was far from their house and you needed a bike to get there. Meredith didn't have a bike because her mother thought that bikes are very dangerous—something about a possible head trauma and cranial bleeding something if you hit your head on the concrete._

_A small, portly woman cautiously approached the now nearly snoozing Meredith and held the little girl's chin up. "Hello there dear." The woman said, looking at the girl tenderly. Meredith looked up at the woman, instantly recognizing the huge glasses and pulled bun behind her head. "Good afternoon Mrs. Jenkins." Meredith said as she stood up from her spot._

"_Have you been sitting there for hours Meredith?" She asked, looking around to see if there was any reason for Meredith to be sitting quietly alone in the front stoop. The little girl nodded. Mrs. Jenkins looked at the child, smoothing down her dirty blonde hair. "Why are you there alone?"_

_Meredith shrugged her small shoulders. "My mother isn't home yet."_

"_Oh, you poor girl. Your mother must've been stuck in the hospital with her patients." Mrs. Jenkins said, helping Meredith pick up her school bag. "Have you eaten anything yet?" Meredith shook her head. "Why don't you stay over my house for a while and get something to eat? And maybe you can take a nap because I can see that you need it."_

"_But my mommy might get mad if she doesn't find me waiting here." Meredith whispered in a small voice, clearly afraid of any consequences what her decision might do. Mrs. Jenkins smiled._

"_Not a problem dear. We'll leave a message by your door and I'll call up your house so we can leave a message on your answering machine so that your mother will know to pick you up at my house." For the first time in hours, Meredith smiled and let herself follow their good-natured next door neighbor._

_Nearly ten years after little Meredith Grey was left sitting alone in the front stoop of her house, the teenage Meredith still felt abandoned. Sitting alone with her back to her bedroom door, Meredith was crying her eyes out, her temple throbbing from all the tears shed over the past few hours. Her mother had just screamed at her for coming home with a boy from school who just wanted to help her bring home the stacks of books she brought home for that stupid research for physics class. Seriously, Meredith wanted to scream back at her, to tell her off the stupid so-called motherly love Ellis Grey knew. The boy was harmless, he was just a guy from one of her classes and she felt embarrassed for being screamed at in front of him._

"_Meredith Grey, what the hell are you doing?" Ellis Grey was gripping her teenage daughter's arm, eyeing the young man following her. Meredith was trying to remove her arm from her mother's grasp, immediately dropping her backpack and the pile of books on the floor. "Who on earth is that boy following you around like a dog?"_

"_He's just a friend mom." Meredith said pointedly, refusing to raise her voice in front of her friend. Ellis continued to glare at the young man, "Let go of me."_

"_Men, Meredith. They are nothing but stupid, pathetic excuses for women to believe that life exists other than their own. You, Meredith Grey, you do not fall trap into their pleadings and promises."_

_Meredith wanted to disappear right on the spot. Her friend stood in the doorway, gaping at the sophisticated doctor woman that was Ellis Grey, and the troubled girl he met in school. Apparently, Ellis' continuous assault over men was far from over, and she didn't care if she had to insult her own daughter in front of her friend._

"_I don't know what you see in this boy Meredith. Although, he does look smart, however, he is still a boy. Ordinary, just like everyone else. You, Meredith, you should not be ordinary like the people around you. Because you should be better, not typical… like them."_

"_Mom—shut…"_

"_You see what men really do Meredith? Look at your father! He left me for whatever goddamned reason he wanted to do with his life. And Richard left me. And so I don't believe in men. You do not go out of this house to look for men, Meredith, whoever said that you'll find your destiny in the future is lying. They are nothing but lies, excuses for not wanting to be better."_

_The boy who helped Meredith bring home her books had already left, willing himself to get away from the tension-filled household. He sure wouldn't come by to help her anytime soon though. Meredith finally twisted herself away from her mother's death grip and faced her, fire burning in her eyes._

"_MOM! Look, I do not care about how pathetic your life is because every man you've been with left you! I don't care about the reasons why they found someone else better than you. I don't want you to keep yelling at me for the stupid, crappy things that happen to you because I don't want you to ruin what little hope I have in life without you in it!" Meredith was yelling, tears slowly creeping in the corners of her eyes. Her knuckles were turning white, and she didn't expect the sudden blow of pain in her left cheek. Ellis Grey had slapped her daughter and Meredith stormed up to her room, slamming the doors and never looking back down._

"_YOU DO NOT YELL AT ME MEREDITH GREY! YOU DO NOT ANSWER BACK TO ME!" It was the last that Meredith heard before she broke down inside her bedroom._

ooo

"Breathe Mer, please breathe." Derek whispered in her ear as she continued to gasp for air between sobs. He knew full well that Meredith's condition wasn't any better since they left the hospital as she was still pretty weak from the ordeal a few days ago, and he was praying that he didn't have to bring her to the hospital for anxiety attacks. "Meredith, relax. Come on, I'm here. You're safe with me, Mer."

Meredith looked up, the tears in her eyes creating a blurry image of Derek in front of her. New images flashed inside her head, only… it was the day she drowned. Or died. Or whatever near-death experience people believed in.

ooo

_Meredith looked around the water surrounding her, her limbs struggling to swim and keep herself afloat. She doesn't remember how she got here, all she knows was that she had to get out, she needs air, and she needs to get back to the hospital. 'The hospital?' She thought blindly, her legs still kicking with all the energy she had left in her. 'Why would I want to go back to the hospital? That's where my mother is.' And Meredith stopped swimming for a second, images of her mother instantly began to change into Derek's face... and Cristina's and Izzie's and George's and Alex's… and… damn it! Meredith tried to force her limbs to work again, but they have seized up and the water started to creep inside her and she couldn't breathe, the pressure was crushing her lungs… and she felt like going deeper… deeper…_

_She saw Derek. Even with the eerie glow the water cast around her, Meredith still saw Derek, his face contorted in determination to save her. She doesn't remember if Derek was the one to pull her hand up, or if she had tried to reach up to him. All she knew was Derek's presence above her, saving her, bringing her back to life. And you know, she felt like she still had hope. Her mother wasn't right about everything; she was pretty sure about that, because her mother didn't meet anybody who was like Derek. Her mother didn't have her own knight in shining whatever._

_Meredith knew she was still alive. For some weird reason, she knew it was near impossible but she could hear the people around her. She heard Derek sputtering the moment he pulled her out and she felt air, she heard the people scramble around her and she felt Derek perform CPR on her. So technically, she was dead. Part-dead? She didn't know. But she always felt Derek around her. She knew Derek was there for her, standing over her, protecting her._

_So, is this the moment of truth when you finally realize what love really is?_

ooo

Derek felt helpless as he watched Meredith break down in front of him. He wanted to take away all this pain, all the tears that never seemed to go away. Smoothing her hair away from her face, Derek leaned in close, their foreheads touching. Meredith's sobs seemed to have subsided and taking the chance, he kissed her softly on the lips, with Meredith reciprocating back as much as her energy could handle.

"Derek…" Meredith whispered as they both pulled back from the kiss. Her eyes were still closed and their foreheads still leaning into one another, Meredith's voice was the only sound in the breaking silence that enveloped the both of them. "Derek, you're my knight in shining whatever. Thank you, I needed the saving."


	3. Love Burns Brighter Than Sunshine

**A/N: Okay, I'm terribly, terribly sorry for the long delay. My work was literally piling up everything I have to do, so the story had to take a backseat for a while. At any rate, I have edited the whole story, changed Derek's original gray eyes to blue (after staring at his picture for hours, I have finally decided to change it to blue-gray, now it matches Meredith's blue-green. Heee. Okay, whatever. Anyway, thanks for all those who have been reviewing, I hope you continue to do so:)**

**Oh, and I'm sorry this chapter is a bit short. I've been contemplating if I will extend the story to a few more chapters than I originally planned, but we'll just have to wait and see. **

_**What a feeling in my soul**_

_**Love burns brighter than sunshine**_

_**Brighter than sunshine**_

_**Let the rain fall, I don't care**_

_**I'm yours and suddenly you're mine**_

_**Suddenly you're mine**_

_**And it's brighter than sunshine**_

Derek held the big black umbrella over his and Meredith's head, and they were standing outside of the small crematorium, Meredith clutching a small granite urn in her arms. Looking to his left, Derek felt a pang of sadness for his girlfriend, for the mother she lost, and for the dream she had that they had a chance to fix whatever was broken between them. But all was now gone, as Ellis Grey now only remained as a lonely reminder of Meredith's past and she now merely exists as a pile of ashes inside a jar.

He looked at her, his heart seemingly breaking into a million pieces. Meredith—she was strong, he knew that. She always held it together; she always said she's fine; she always had this determined look on her face. But today, that twinkle in her eyes was gone, and the sinking feeling of cold, fear and sadness filled her clear blue-green eyes and Derek wanted to take away all of that. Meredith noticed her boyfriend looking at her intently, and she nodded her head slightly, a tear cutting across her cheek as she did so. His hand closed upon the small of her back and the two walked in silence across the rain-soaked lot, seeking the quiet of their car.

"It's raining." Meredith said softly as Derek slipped in the driver's seat opposite her. Derek shifted his body to face her, his head tilted to take a look at her more closely. "It's always raining here in Seattle." She continued, biting her lower lip as she did so.

Derek nodded. "I know." Her clear blue-green eyes stared back at his blue ones, tears threatening to fall as she continued to look back. "It's okay if it rains." He said softly, watching the tears finally fall. Derek was one who didn't like rain so much. Sometimes, it felt too depressing—just like today. Dark, damp and depressing. But here in Seattle, it always rains. There's always a reason why it rains.

"It's just…" Meredith's hand had found solace with Derek's own as she sat inside the car, her eyes still staring back at his. "It's always raining. It's always cold here… like… like it's always freezing." She said softly, looking down as she said so.

The two sat in silence, Derek's free hand wiping away the tears that coursed through his girlfriend's face. Meredith looked back at the eyes that watched over her, and she held on to the hand that saved her and comforted her. For months, she had always wondered what it was about Derek that always made her feel better, and she realized that it was his eyes. They always had this light in his eyes, the light she always held on to whenever she felt like letting go. The light she crossed to come back to life.

"We should get home." Derek whispered, letting his hand fall a bit from Meredith's face. She nodded and he started the ignition, slowly backing out of the parking lot. Meredith stared out the window as they drove through the rainy streets of Seattle, her mother's urn precariously resting on the small space in her seat, their silence filling the car until they reached the house.

Meredith spoke up before Derek even had the chance to get out. "Everything here in Seattle is cold. The rain, the water…" Derek flinched when she mentioned the cold water. The horrific memory of her drowning filtered through his brain, but he continued to listen, her voice slowly getting overpowered by the rain. "my mother, my father. Everything is cold."

"Mer…"

"I know…" Meredith trailed off, as Derek tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. At that moment in time, Meredith didn't care about the rain. She didn't care about being cold and freezing because she knew Derek was there… to keep her warm.

ooo

Meredith lay in her bed awake, listening to the endless pounding of the rain outside. She had been staring at the window for the past hour, her hand intertwined with Derek's even as he slept. She sighed softly, pulling Derek's hand closer to her chest, reveling in the warmth emanating from him. The heavy rain continued to pound on the roof, the coldness it brought seeping in the cracks and crevices all around. Derek was the only warmth she had left, the only source of life for her when she thought she would give up. That was the reason she fought death for Derek, because she couldn't help but have moments with him—she wants a lifetime with him.

But she wasn't ready to tell him that. She was still scared. Just like the millions of times she was scared to say anything to save her own life.

She shifted her body, slightly moving closer to his space. His arms automatically tightened around her, his hand squeezing her small ones as he shifted his body to hold her closer, his face buried in her lavender-scented hair. Meredith knew Derek loved to breathe her in so she stayed still, letting him wrap his senses around her. As she closed her eyes, she heard his voice, that soothing voice that occupied most of her sleepless nights and mornings awake.

"Why are you still up Mer?" Derek's muffled voice filtered through her hair, his breath catching on the skin behind her neck. Meredith listened to the softness of his voice and she knew he wasn't sleeping too. He was awake, just like she was. "I couldn't sleep. It's cold." She said softly, Derek's hand involuntarily pulling the warm blankets over her shoulders.

"Feeling better?" Meredith shifted her body, completely turning over to face him. Derek smiled at her warmly as she intertwined her legs with his under the covers. "Meredith, you should be sleeping."

Her eyes locked completely with his. "You're not sleeping either."

"Mmm-hmmm." Derek traced her jaw line softly with his finger, watching her in the dim light that surrounded them. "You know, I worry about you."

Meredith smiled sadly, closing her eyes as Derek's finger ran through her skin. His fingers were like the warmth on a sunny day, running tingly little paths on her arm, and Derek's eyes—his clear blue eyes shone brightly even in the darkness of the room as he searched the answers in her eyes. Meredith pressed herself closer to him, their bodies finally touching in the closest proximity ever.

Derek chuckled. "I love having you in my arms, did you know that?" He whispered, his hands tracing circles in her back. Meredith remained silent, her eyes never breaking the contact between the two of them. "Mer…?"

"How do you do that?" Meredith asked and Derek blinked back at her in confusion.

"Do what?" He was caught off guard by Meredith's simple question, yet somehow, he knew what he was supposed to tell her. She closed her eyes, breathed in slowly before letting go, a soft whisper coming from her lips.

"How do you do that? Make me feel better, keep me safe." She bit her lip, her eyes searching his own. "I… I know it sounds stupid, and… and I'm really bad at doing this. I mean, you know, asking questions…" Derek placed a finger on her lips, effectively shutting down the start of her rambling which he loved so much. Pulling away from their close position, he propped his head on his hand and looked at her, smiling.

"Shhh, it's okay." Derek said, draping an arm over her tiny waist to pull her closer. "Come here." Meredith obliged.

"I really don't know how I do those things… It's…" He sighed softly, caressing her cheek with the back of his forefinger. "I don't know how I do these things; I just know I have to do it. Because I love you. And I need to know that you're okay, that you're feeling better when you're with me."

Meredith stared up at him, fighting the prickling sensation that was building up behind her eyes. Derek brushed her hair from her face and he leaned closer to her, his lips brushing hers softly. She let the lone tear fall as he pulled back, choking back the sob that was threatening to escape.

"I stuffed my mother in the back of my closet," Meredith sniffled weakly, still looking up at Derek. He cocked his head slightly, his eyes crinkling. "I did that because I never felt anything like this when she was alive, so to keep me free from her haunting, I stuffed her in the back of my closet."

"Do you feel better?"

She nodded, pulling herself up in bed; she snuggled in closer to his chest. "I do." Meredith smiled, kissing his lips softly, "I really do."

Derek beamed at her as he leaned his forehead with hers, "I'm glad you are."

"Derek?"

"Mmm-hmmm?"

"You are bright and shiny," Meredith whispered, her tiny body rolling over on top of him, "and I know you said you weren't cut out for bright and shiny. But you are. And I like it… a lot."

"I'm bright and shiny?" Derek smiled, nibbling her bottom lip as she kissed him, "How did I become bright and shiny?"

Meredith giggled. "You just are. I know, it's crazy, but you are bright and shiny. You make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, like sunshine." She said, smiling down at him happily. It's that smile that he loved so much, that smile that made him fall in love with her. "You are like sunshine. My sunshine. You get to add that to being _my_ McDreamy."

"Ahhh," Derek said, laughing. He gently flipped Meredith over, rolling on top of her to hover, "I like that. I like being your McDreamy."

"I know you do."

"Mer…" He looked down at her, those blue-green eyes that haunted him every time he broke off their gaze. "You're bright and shiny too."

She wrinkled her nose in confusion. "I am?"

He chuckled, a small grin evident in his face. "For me you are. Even if you're dark and twisty, even if you don't get to be the one that breaks people's teeth because of your happiness, you are my bright and shiny. I just wanted you to know that."

"I…"

Derek pulled her by the waist, wrapping his arms protectively around her as they resumed their original position, facing each other. "Today wasn't a good day."

"No…" Meredith whispered weakly, "no, it wasn't a good day."

"On a scale of one to ten, how bad is it?" he asked, kissing her softly on the lips afterwards. "Seven, maybe eight." She said, letting Derek kiss her again.

"Mmm, seven." He kissed her again. "Okay, six." And again. "Five."

"Derek…?" He was still kissing her. "I… I love you."

At that moment, between the cold rain and the bad day, Derek had never felt better in his life. Snuggling closer to her, he kissed her one last time, intertwining their legs under the covers and leaning in to rest their foreheads together. "I love you too Mer. I love you too."

So let the rain fall—they had together. That was the only thing they needed. Meredith relaxed in his arms as the two fell into a gentle sleep, wrapped around each other.


	4. I Never Saw It Happening

**A/N: Freakishly long chapter I have dedicated solely to fix all the drama with the Mark/Addison/Derek/Meredith thing and I'm happy to say it all worked out pretty well. I'll be going back to Mer/Der after this chapter, lengthen the whole story and then finish it. I'm really sorry for the long delay of updating, I just have a lot on my plate right now and there's a lot of new stories popping up inside me head and I'm typing, typing, typing all day long. :) But whatever, hopefully I'll be able to post that too someday.**

**Oh, and please don't forget to review. Please, please, please:)**

_**I never saw it happening**_

_**I'd given up and given in**_

_**I just couldn't take the hurt again**_

_**What a feeling**_

Derek woke up earlier than he expected. Glancing at the bright red digits flashing from Meredith's side of the bed, Derek knew it was way too early for him to be up, considering the fact that they did have the week off. Seven days of no surgeries, no charts and no endless walking should constitute a good 18-hour sleep to say the least. However, Derek had other things on his mind.

Over the past few days that he and Meredith had been home, Derek couldn't help but wake up in the middle of the night, bury his face in her hair, listen to her breathe. At first he thought it was because of his body clock's regular schedule, but as the days went on, he finally realized it wasn't his circadian rhythm that was bothering him. It was his fear of losing Meredith, and to keep himself from succumbing to it, his mind had made a decision of waking up just to make sure she's okay… they're okay.

The shrill ringing of his phone broke him from his musing and he instantly grabbed the device before it woke up the still slumbering Meredith. Flipping the phone open without even bothering to check the caller ID, Derek answered the phone sleepily.

"Hello?" Derek mumbled some incoherent greeting as the person on the other side answered. The voice on the other side seemed so familiar. "Hey, Derek?"

"Uhhh, hello?" Derek said groggily, trying to process whose voice was on the phone. "Who is this?"

"Hey Derek, it's me. Mark."

Derek groaned inwardly as he chastised himself for not checking the ID before answering. "Yeah, yeah Mark. What is it?" He said softly, trying to lower his voice. Looking to his left, Meredith stirred and shifted, her body facing his side of the bed. Deciding that it was best for him to leave to avoid waking her up, Derek made the move of inching out of the bed.

"Oh, nothing. I just wanted to check on you guys." Mark replied. Derek's eyebrows rose.

"Seriously?" Derek asked, trying to inch away from the bed. Meredith's arm instinctively wrapped itself around his torso, subconsciously giving Derek a hard time to get out. "Mark, hold on." He muttered, slightly covering the mouthpiece with his hand. "Mer?"

"Whereyougoin?" Meredith whispered sleepily, her grasp still around Derek's waist. "I have to take this call." Derek whispered close to her ear, kissing her cheek as he pulled away from her grasp. "Go back to sleep. I'll be back."

"M'kay…"

Mark smiled at the other end of the phone. Even if he was miles away, he could imagine his best friend and his girlfriend in bed together, at this moment in time. He had heard Derek whisper softly to Meredith and kiss her before he slid out of the bed. He was happy they were happy. Derek's voice seemed to break him from his thoughts.

"Mark?"

"Oh, yeah, yeah. Sorry Shep, did I wake you up?"

Derek ran his fingers through his hair as he faced the window looking out to the backyard. The sun was already starting to come up, lighting the dark grounds. "What? No, no. I was up when you called."

"So, how're you?"

Derek frowned in confusion. "We're good, I'm good. Why…?" He was wondering aloud why on earth Mark would check up on him.

"That's good. I mean… you know, I'm happy you're fine." Mark continued, mirroring Derek's mannerisms of running his hand through his hair as he paced inside the doctor's lounge. "So, uh, how's Meredith?"

"She's doing fine…" Derek stated, looking back at the sleeping Meredith in bed. She had now taken his space in bed, her face buried in his pillow. He smiled. "She's uh, still sleeping, but she's okay."

"I'm glad she is." Mark said after getting the answer he wanted. "Hey, Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"You know you can, uh… you know, call me if you need anything." Mark held his breath as he waited for Derek's reply. Derek on the other hand was genuinely surprised at his ex-best friend's offer.

"Oh… oh, right. Of course." Derek said, "Don't worry."

Mark let out his breath. "Okay. So, I'll see you in a few days Shep."

"Uh, Mark?" Derek's voice sounded more confident than the time they had started the conversation. Mark pressed the phone closer to his ear.

"Yeah, Shep?"

"Thanks bro." Mark's head snapped up in surprise, grinning broadly as he heard Derek's thanks. Finally letting his body drop onto the couch in the lounge, Mark closed his eyes before replying. "No problem bro." And with that, the phone conversation died.

Flipping his cellphone closed, Derek smiled to himself, still staring at the glowing display of his cellphone. Quietly slipping in beside the still sleeping Meredith, Derek realized that all may not be over with his best friend.

ooo

A few hours after that early morning phone conversation with Mark, Derek found himself roaming around the supermarket with a cart full of food and a few hours left to himself. Cristina had come by the house, and he wasn't exactly kicked out but he already offered to leave and give them some privacy… for whatever reason there is. Meredith had tried to get him to stay but finally let go when he told her that he'd do the grocery while the two of them talked.

He grabbed the box of cereal from the shelf, only to be met with a perfectly manicured hand grabbing the same box. Derek turned to look at the person beside him and was completely surprised at the other customer.

"Addison!" He said, finally letting go of the cereal box. Addison looked at him. "Derek! Oh my God, I'm so sorry, did you want that?" She said sheepishly, handing him the box. Derek shook his head.

"No, no, it's okay. I got another one." He said, shaking a new box of cereal he took from the shelf. Addison smiled.

"You're doing the grocery." Addison stated, eyeing the cart of food and supplies in front of him. He nodded.

"I guess I am." Derek looked at his ex-wife before speaking. "You're not at work."

Addison shrugged. "Got the day off. Been up since the day before, I do need to do things for myself you know." She said, pushing her own cart alongside Derek's. "You didn't do grocery before."

"Well, people do take turns in doing the grocery at home." Derek said nonchalantly as he took a bottle of juice from the shelf. Addison smiled inwardly. She knew well enough that Meredith's house was more of home to him other than his trailer. "It's my turn to shop and besides, Cristina's at home."

"Yang? What's she got to do with you doing the grocery?" She said her eyes growing wide. "Did she kick you out of the house… again?"

Derek looked at her pointedly. "NO. I offered to leave before she got me kicked out of the house."

"Oh, you are so scared of Cristina Yang."

"Correction. I am not scared of Cristina Yang. Not the Dr. Yang at least, because I am still her boss. But when _Cristina_ barges in that door, I know better than to argue because she can stare me down just like that." He said, snapping his fingers. Addison laughed. "She kinda reminds me of Bailey actually… do you think she teaches that to her interns?"

"Teaches what?"

"Staring people down." Derek muttered, falling in line for the counter. Addison shrugged. "She doesn't stare me down."

He groaned. "Oh, please don't tell me she only does that to me."

"Maybe, maybe not." Addison said, placing her groceries on the register. "Hey, do you want to grab some coffee? I mean, you know, before you head back."

Derek looked at his watch. It had only been an hour and a half since he left the house and he pretty much had a lot more time on his hands. "Yeah, sure. Still pretty early anyway."

A few minutes later, Addison and Derek sat outside a café not too far from the supermarket. The two sat quietly together, obviously trying not to be awkward together. It was, technically, the first time they were alone outside the hospital since the divorce. Absentmindedly stirring her cup, Addison directed her gaze to Derek.

"So, um… how's Meredith?" She asked softly, still stirring the cup. Derek smiled.

"She's doing fine. A few panic attacks a few days ago, but she's doing well." He said, cocking his head to look at Addison. "Thanks for asking."

She smiled. "I'm glad she's okay. No fever or anything? I mean, she was down pretty long." She continued and Derek shook his head. "No, no fever. She got loaded up on the meds while she was in the hospital. Bailey made sure of that."

"Of course," Addison said, taking a sip from her coffee, "that's Miranda. The woman was worried sick when Meredith was down." Derek simply smiled.

"Mark… Mark called me today." Derek blurted out, taking a bite of his scone. Addison raised an eyebrow.

"He did?"

Derek nodded. "He did. Surprised me really."

"Hmmm." Addison hummed thoughtfully before smiling at Derek. "You miss Mark?"

Derek shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know." Addison sighed.

"I'm happy you're happy, Derek." She mumbled quietly as Derek looked up at her. "I was worried about Meredith too. I was worried about you."

"What's bothering you Addie?"

"Nothing!" Addison raised her hands in mock defense, clearly trying to avoid the questioning look Derek was giving her. She, of course, finally broke down on it. "Really Derek, it's nothing."

"You're really not good at lying Addison."

She sighed. "I know, I know, I'm sorry."

"What is it?"

Addison looked at him, "I'm not sure if you really want me to ask these things." Derek shrugged. "Try me."

"How come we never had that?"

Derek blinked back, confused. "Had what?"

"That… thing," Addison fiddled with her thumbs as she tried to grasp for words, "I mean… when Meredith drowned…" Derek flinched at the memory of Meredith's drowning and Addison looked at him sadly. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

Derek held up his hand. "It's okay. Go on." He said. Addison nodded.

"It's just… we never had that. That connection when you feel what somebody else is feeling. That…" Addison said, exhaling a long breath before she continued. "Derek, when we were together, you never… I mean… I felt like nothing of that sort happened."

"I'm sorry…" Derek whispered, his head hung low, "Addie, it wasn't…"

"No, it's okay. I was just… well, I was just wondering."

"It wasn't that I didn't love you Addie," Derek started, staring at his cup, "I did love you. We were practically Addison and Derek the entire time, it wasn't exactly the thing where we just hooked up and we became us."

Addison sighed, looking up at the sky as she tried to fight the prickling sensation from the back of her eyes. Derek continued, "It was just… Meredith's a different person from you. A whole lot different. And I love her… a lot. I can't explain it, but…" Addison remained silent as Derek tried to finish what he was saying. "You slept with my best friend Addison. It was one thing I could not forgive you for doing."

"I'm sorry; I'm really, really…" Addison gasped, her voice cracking from emotion. Derek gripped her hand.

"Mark was the closest thing I had to a brother Addison. He was the closest thing I had to someone who wasn't female and when I saw you in bed, with my best friend who was like a brother to me, I couldn't… I can't… process anything. I never actually thought that something like that would happen—that's why it hurt. It hurt so much that I ran away from you because I couldn't take the hurt anymore."

Addison remained silent.

"I'm sorry for giving up Addison."

"I'm sorry I lied to you for a long time Derek. It was… it was a really long time."

Derek nodded. "I know." Addison wiped away the tears coursing her face before giving her ex-husband a feeble laugh. "Don't hurt her ever again Derek. She's a nice girl."

"I won't." He smiled at her wistfully. "Mark likes you."

Addison rolled her eyes. "Oh please Derek, you know as much as I do that your ex-best friend is a man-whore." She stated plainly, dabbing the corners of her eyes. Derek shook his head.

"You know as well as I do that I know Mark better than anybody else."

"Yeah? Well, sometimes Mark is just what he is—an ass."

Derek shook his head exasperatedly before looking at his watch. "I gotta go Addie. I'll see you in a few days." Addison stood up as well and followed Derek to the parking lot. "I'll see you too." She said, unlocking the driver's side door. Derek had his door open when he turned to face her.

"Give him a chance." Derek said, catching Addison surprised. "Give Mark a chance. I know he can be an ass and everything, but… try to think things through. There is a reason why you two had a relationship too, right?"

Addison looked at him, meeting his eyes for a brief moment. "Right."

"Goodbye, Addie." Derek closed the door as he started the engine, pulling out from the parking lot back to the house. Addison stood by her door, still staring at her ex's car. "There's always a reason." She told herself before getting in her car.

ooo

"Mer! Somebody's at the door, I gotta go!" Cristina bellowed from the kitchen as she waited for Meredith to come down from her bedroom. Meredith was padding down the stairs when Cristina exited the kitchen.

"I'm coming!" Meredith said, leading Cristina to the door. "Will you please tell Izzie that she doesn't have to go to the store after her shift? Derek's doing the grocery."

Cristina cocked her eyebrow. "McDreamy is doing your grocery?" Meredith nodded. "Huh. Saves you time then."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Just go Cristina. Don't forget to tell…" She stopped, gaping at the person standing outside the glass doors. Cristina followed her gaze. "Oh."

"Ahhh," Cristina smiled mischievously when she saw who was standing outside Meredith's house. Mark Sloan was standing by the front door, shifting his weight from foot to foot as he held a box of pastries in one hand. "McSteamy."

Meredith opened the door, her gaze still directed to the overconfident surgeon outside. "Dr. Sloan, what…?"

"Uh, Meredith?" Mark started, looking around at his surroundings. He nodded to Cristina. "Dr. Yang… I mean Cristina. Whatever."

Cristina stared at him. "Dr. Sloan," she looked at her best friend and at Mark Sloan, "I gotta go Mer, I'll see ya soon."

"Right," Meredith said, watching Cristina leave her alone with Mark, "Dr. Sloan…"

Mark shrugged his shoulders. "Call me Mark, Meredith. Can I uh…"

"Oh," Meredith's eyes widened as she opened the door, letting Mark enter the house, "Sorry."

"It's nothing." Mark said, his eyes roaming around to look at the house. "I brought you something." He said, offering the box to Meredith. She accepted, still looking at the white box in her hands.

"Thanks," She said, smiling at him. He returned the smile. "Let's sit?"

Mark followed Meredith to the living room, his eyes looking around the place. It was a nice place, well, not like the house Derek had when they were in New York; Meredith's house was smaller, warmer, and much more comfortable. Derek's brownstone was cold, a lot of modern and expensive furniture littering the house—mostly Addison's obsession from catalogue shopping. His gaze finally fell to a stack of tapes beside the television; tapes stacked one of top of another, all with the name Ellis Grey Surgery printed on the label. Meredith was watching him from the couch.

"Those were my mother's old tapes when she was an attending at Seattle Grace. That was a few years after we came back from Boston. She was practically a surgical junkie." Meredith said, still looking at her boyfriend's ex-best friend. Mark sat down on the coffee table in front of her. "We watch them when there's nothing good on TV. It's our kind of entertainment."

"How's my favorite dirty ex-mistress?" Mark said, smiling at her. "I'm saying ex because you're not a mistress anymore. Derek said you were doing fine."

"I am doing fine." Meredith said, "What are you doing here…" She hesitated.

"Mark." He finished. Meredith nodded. "I told you to call me by my first name."

"I'm not used to calling you Mark. To me, you're still a fellow member of the dirty mistresses club." She said, laughing. "We call you _McSteamy_. So forgive me for not being able to call you Mark."

Mark tilted his head to look at her. "Right. I forgot about that. What's that you call Derek? _McDreamy_? Uh-huh. Where do you people get all this McWhatever stuff anyway?"

"I don't know," Meredith shrugged, "Anyway, you're avoiding my question. What are _you_ doing here?"

"I told you, I came to check on you and bring you pastries." Mark tapped on the white box sitting beside him. Meredith snorted.

"Seriously?"

Mark sighed. Of course, Meredith knew it was crazy for him to just appear right outside her house with no apparent reason for doing so. Deep inside, he did want to see Derek, see how he's holding up. But at this moment, sitting inside his ex-best friend's girlfriend's house—it may be a bad idea. Showing up unexpectedly was a bad idea because he knew Derek hated surprises. After all, the last surprise ended up with him bleeding on the surgical floor of Seattle Grace.

"Are you waiting up for Derek?" Meredith's voice seemed to bring back Mark's thoughts about his best friend. He shook his head.

"No, not really. Unless you have a suture kit somewhere in this house, maybe I can stay until he gets home."

"Derek's still at the store. I'll get you something to drink if you're going to wait for him." Meredith said, half-standing up to get a drink from the kitchen. Mark stopped her.

"It's okay. I mean, don't worry about it." Mark said, standing up and shifting his position towards the couch. Meredith simply stared at him and he looked at her. "I'm not waiting for Derek."

"Okay…" Meredith resumed her original position on the couch, sitting a good distance away from Mark Sloan. "So…?"

"Tell me because you're good at this. You are dark and twisty Meredith. So tell me this, why am I so madly in love with Addison?"

Meredith glared at the surgeon sitting beside her. The man could be an ass, and he couldn't partly understand how on earth he ended up becoming Derek's best friend. "You're telling me I'm dark and twisty. And then you're asking me why you're in love with Addison? Seriously?"

"Seriously."

Meredith stared at Mark, clearly uncomfortable with this whole setup of a situation in her living room. "Okay… I really don't understand why you're running to me, of all people, to ask things about Addison. With all the history and all, I should be last person for you to come running to for advice." She said slowly, letting her words sink in for Mark to understand.

"Remember that time when we first met? At Joe's bar?" Mark stated, wringing his hands nervously, "I really wanted to believe that Addison would come."

"You knew she wouldn't come."

"I know. So, I decided to start fresh." Meredith rolled her eyes at Mark's comment. There really was no such thing as a fresh start—especially if you're a doctor, and a world-renowned one at that. "I took my chances and worked in this raining hell hole."

"Why'd you stay?"

"I still wanted my chance with Addison," Mark said, looking at Meredith, "you know me and Addison had a relationship too after Derek left?"

She nodded. "Derek practically disowned me after that. I mean, I knew what he was thinking anyway."

"You do?"

"If… If Addison had told him about us earlier... Derek somehow hated me and Addison after he knew about our relationship, because all that time that he was trying to make it work with her, he could've done better with you."

Meredith sighed. "It was… hard."

"Derek's not the type to give up that easily. Back in med school, he'd stay for hours in the labs trying to figure out every single bit of detail possible until he finally gets it. He'd scour through books and books and whatever—he just wouldn't freakin' give up. And Addison…" Mark leaned back in the couch, looking up at the wooden ceiling of Meredith's house. "When the two of us slept together and Derek found us, I thought he'd stay, just like the other times he did. I didn't think he'd give up easily, because if he didn't… I was ready to fight back."

Meredith leaned on to the couch as well, picking her nails as she tried to formulate a response for Mark. "He just… I guess… Derek just didn't see that happening. He wasn't expecting it to be real… he thought about it, but, seeing it makes it a whole lot different."

"I damaged Derek," Mark said, placing his hands on his temples, "Oh God, I damaged Derek and it's all my fault."

"We're all damaged somewhere," Meredith said, turning to look at Mark, "Some are just more damaged than others. We don't have perfect lives Mark; we break other people even if we don't want to. You're damaged, I'm damaged. So we try to find something to fix us up. And the reason why you're madly in love with Addison? Maybe it's because you found something in her that can fix you."

Mark smirked at Meredith. "You do know stuff about life Grey." Meredith snorted.

"I don't. I wish I knew stuff to fix my life. It's mostly messed up."

"I made a pact with Addie. She told me that if I go 60 days with no sex, she'd give us a shot of being a couple."

"That's good then." Meredith said, trying to keep a laugh from coming out of her mouth. She knew fairly well that Mark Sloan was not the type to hold back on sex, let alone 60 days—2 whole months of no sex. She just had to ask. "So… um… how are you holding up with that?"

"Pretty good actually," Mark said casually and Meredith's eyes grew big, "Haven't had booty calls or whatever. No on-call rooms, no linen closets, no nothing."

"Seriously?" Meredith was shocked. Mark glared at her. "Yes, seriously. Why, you don't think I could?"

"Well, you're Mark Sloan. Mark Sloan doesn't do well with no sleeping together with someone." Meredith pressed on matter-of-factly, as if she was trying to convince herself. "Awww, I'm so proud." He laughed.

"So, how do I go about this? I mean, with the getting along with Addison thing, since I'm working on my 60 days." Mark asked, lifting his feet to the coffee table.

"Well, for one, you could stop being an ass…" Meredith started, "That is, if you can actually help stop being an ass."

Mark nodded. "Okay, and if I stop being an ass?"

"Then maybe, things will get better for you."

"I'm not good at NOT being an ass." Meredith shrugged. "It's your choice then. Think of some other way so that she'll like you again." She said. The clock in the living room chimed at 11, and the two looked up at the time.

"Whoa, whoa. It's nearly lunch. I better get back to the hospital." Mark stood up, straightening his clothes. Meredith did the same. "You'll tell Derek I came by?"

Meredith looked at him. "Do you want me to?" She asked. He shrugged as he started for the door. "Will he kill me if you told him I did?"

"I don't know," Meredith bit her lip, "I don't think so. You did come with a peace offering, so… I'm thinking you won't need any stitches anytime soon."

Mark smiled and turned to face her before leaving. "Take care of yourself Grey; I'll see you in a few days I suppose?"

"Yeah," Meredith nodded, "Thanks for coming by." She was caught surprised when Mark hugged her briefly before opening the door.

"I don't usually do that, but… you're my best friend's love of his life, I always make exceptions with that." Mark said, stepping out the door, "And I promise, I'm not sleeping with you anytime, even within the next ten years. You're going to be Derek's forever and ever."

Meredith laughed. "Ha ha. You're funny." She paused as she watched Mark head towards the front lawn. "Thanks." Mark got in his car, beeped twice before driving off to the hospital.

**A/N: If you have any suggestions on what I could do with them, please review, I'd be happy to use them or something. :) Maybe give me a better input on stuff. Thanks:) I also edited Cristina's name. Hee. Sorry, I've been used to spelling that name with an H. Thanks to all those who have been reviewing, it's really what's making me finish the story. Oh, and sorry about the differences in terms and whatnot, I do live from the other side of the planet and stuff here's just… a whole lot different. :)**


	5. Suddenly You Seemed So Right

**A/N: I am terribly, terribly sorry for the EXTREMELY long delay. I was too swamped with school to finish stuff and then Christmas came (school ended like three days before Christmas) and well there were a lot of stuff to deal with. Not to mention that the lack of new Grey's episodes are starting to get to me and I am getting depressed (that may be exaggerated, but yeah, whatever). Anyway, here's the chapter that took so darn long to finish and I hope you like it (though I feel it is not my best). Please don't forget to read and review. :) Thank you!**

_**I didn't have the strength to fight**_

_**Suddenly you seemed so right**_

_**Me and you**_

_**What a feeling**_

"You know, you could've woken me up from my nap."

Meredith tilted her head to the side as she watched Derek step out of his trailer. She smiled at him as she gently swung the hammock in rhythmic motion, the cool breeze blowing wisps of her hair while Derek slipped in carefully beside her. Pulling her small frame closer, Derek wrapped his arm around her waist, pushing the hammock slightly with his foot before settling in.

"I didn't want to wake you up," Meredith said softly, kissing his cheek lightly, "you seemed so relaxed there."

"What are you doing out here?" Derek asked. Meredith inclined her face to look at him. It was sunny in Seattle today, the sun streaming warmed her face as she smiled at him.

"Just… thinking."

Derek nuzzled her neck. "About…?"

"Things…" Derek looked at her concernedly. Meredith shook her head. "A lot of things."

"Oh," Derek said, watching Meredith closely. She closed her eyes, turned her body completely towards him before burying her face in his chest. He chuckled slightly, "You like to cuddle."

Meredith smiled back at him. Derek had relapsed back into a light nap as he cuddled closer to her, his face showing such unguarded vulnerability. Running her hand lightly along his jaw line, Meredith smiled as she felt so safe in his arms—the one thing she knew she had never felt before in her life. Even minus the earth-shattering, mind-blowing sex, the moment she's wrapped in his arms is her safety, and somehow, Meredith didn't want to let it go.

She remembered her friends. Most of all, she remembered this one short talk with Alex during her hospital stay, a conversation that probably had much to help her think even if it lasted for less than ten minutes.

There were reasons why she feels safe with her _family_. And she's pretty sure Derek is part of that.

ooo

_She looked up from the magazine she was reading at the sound of her room opening. Alex, the Evil Spawn ambled inside her hospital room carrying what looked like a tray piled up with junk food for lunch. Meredith knew it was against the rules, but this was her friend Alex, and Alex Karev do not care about the rules._

"_Hey," Alex greeted, seeing that Meredith was awake and placed his tray on Meredith's bed table. "I thought you were sleeping."_

"_Well, there are other things to do here other than sleep," Meredith replied, watching Alex pull a chair closer to her bed. She smiled. "What are you doing here?" He shrugged._

"_Eating lunch." Meredith tried to grab the paper-wrapped burger from the tray, only to be pulled away by Alex jokingly. She groaned. "What, did you get tired of eating inside really, really old guy's room?" She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. Alex laughed._

"_I'm kidding, Mer," Alex said, finally handing the grease-laden food to her. Meredith accepted gratefully. "Why do you think I bought all these?" She narrowed her eyes at him, hinting a small smile to tell him she was joking. Alex watched her from his seat. "So… How are you doing?"_

_Meredith looked up at him. "Fine," she said, chewing slowly, "Why'd you ask?"_

_He shrugged. "Is it so wrong to ask? You know you can actually talk to me, right?"_

"_Talk about what?"_

"_Anything," Alex said, leaning back casually on the chair, "whatever you want. Or, you can hit me with your tiny ineffectual fists if it makes you feel better."_

_Meredith glared at him. Friendly Alex was really weird, and she was sort of, kind of freaking out. "Look Alex, I'm fine." She said, casting a glance at him from time to time, "If it's about my mother, I'm okay, I'm moving on. If it's about the drowning, I'm coping."_

"_Really?" Alex cocked an eyebrow at her, "Is that why you've been moaning every time you fall asleep when Dr. Shepherd's not with you? You're going to tell me you're fine after Bambi and I found you like that? You're seriously really fine?"_

_Meredith gaped at Alex. She didn't know anybody knew about her dreams and her fear of losing Derek, and what Alex was saying was true—every single time she slept without Derek beside her, she would dream of her drowning, her mother's words echoing in the background. She hated falling asleep in the middle of the day, when none of her friends were with her because they were working and she hated it when Derek had to leave because he had a surgery to go to. She'd tried to keep herself awake, from reading all of Izzie's magazines to begging Derek to bring her medical journals just to keep herself occupied, but nothing, nothing has worked against those nightmares._

"_I didn't know you knew that," Meredith said softly, casting her gaze back on the linen bed sheets, "I didn't know you came in the middle of the day."_

_Alex sighed, running his hand over his head. "George and I came in yesterday to check on you and we heard you calling out for Derek. Izzie and Cristina had seen you at it a few times as well." He looked softly at her, something Meredith wasn't used to seeing in Alex's normally tough face, before continuing. "You're not okay."_

_Meredith shook her head slightly. "No, I'm really not." She said softly, "It's just… everything's just too much for me lately. Sometimes, I can't wrap myself around it."_

"_Have you told Derek about it?" Meredith still shook her head. Alex breathed. "I thought so."_

"_I don't want to worry him."_

"_You'll worry him if he finds out about it."_

_Meredith sighed, closing her eyes before she continued. "The nightmares? It's the water creeping up on me, and my mother's voice telling me I'm ordinary. I have parent issues. Abandonment issues. Intimacy issues." She looked back at Alex. "I sound so pathetic with all my problems, right?"_

_Alex shrugged. "Not really. I have issues too. Everybody has freakin' issues, Mer."_

"_You," she narrowed her eyes slightly at him, "You don't seem the type who has issues."_

"_Well," Alex shifted in his seat, leaning closer to Meredith's bed, "You know why I'm such an ass sometimes? I have father issues. Because my father? He's a jerk, the man's a bastard."_

"_I'm sorry…"_

"_He hit my mother more times than I could count. He's usually drunk—the guy could drink tankards of beer like water and his favorite kind of entertainment was watching my mother writhe in pain after he finishes hitting her. I eventually beat the living crap out of him after I became a wrestler, and he left. Just like that. I know what it feels to be left alone Mer. Just like you."_

_Meredith's eyes had darted away from Alex as he told her the story of his father. She contemplated about a lot of things, her estranged father, her dead mother, and her intimacy issues with Derek. It was a lot to deal with, and sometimes, she never wanted to believe that these were the reasons why at some point she had wanted to give everything up._

_Alex cocked his head to look closer at Meredith. "I know how it feels when you want to leave everything behind. There are reasons why you want to stop fighting. Most of the time, you blame yourself for all the mess that is around you, but the truth is, we can't control these stuff. We make bad decisions, we make right decisions—either way, it's supposed to make our lives better because we get to learn from it. When life sucks, we cope with what we can."_

"_And I know your life is pretty messed up Meredith," Alex continued as Meredith tried to open her mouth in response, "but you're the reason I believe that even messed up people have a chance."_

_She sat there stunned, unable to formulate a coherent answer to the whole speech Alex just gave her. Seeing her quiet reaction, Alex reached over and patted Meredith's hand. "You know you can count on us Mer, and you certainly can count on Derek. You're not supposed to be doing everything alone. That's what family is for, right?" _

"_Yeah… I… I guess it is." She said hesitantly. Alex shrugged._

"_I know this was a weird talk or something, and you should know that I'm probably going to be back to Alex the jackass after this, but… I'm here Meredith."_

_Meredith smiled. "Thanks Alex." _

_Alex smiled as he gently ruffled Meredith's hair, their silence broken by his pager and Izzie coming in with George in tow. _

"_I gotta go, my patient's complaining again," Alex muttered, checking his pager. Derek was standing by the nurse's station filling out forms and Alex nodded a greeting to him. He turned to face her before going out of her room, "You know what to do." With that, Alex left with a ten minute conversation that could've possibly changed Meredith's life._

ooo

"We don't get to do this much," Derek said as he gently rolled Meredith off of him after a vigorous tickle fight they had, "I'm glad we got to do this today."

Meredith giggled, turning to face her boyfriend. "Not get to do what much?" She asked, as Derek rested his head on her thighs. He looked up at her, smiling.

"Do picnics. We don't get to do picnics much."

"That's because it's never sunny here in Seattle," she said, unconsciously running her hand through his hair, "And I'm not good with picnics because I don't cook."

Derek pointed at the picnic basket lying a few feet away. "You make great sandwiches," he said, winking. Meredith frowned and narrowed her eyes at him. "And you make a very delicious salad."

"Hey!" Meredith hit him playfully in the chest, "Are you mocking my cooking skills? I know they suck, but at least I try!"

"Oh no," Derek said, pulling himself up, "no, no, no. I am not mocking you. I wouldn't be saying these things if I was mocking you." Meredith rolled her eyes as Derek suddenly pulled her on his lap, leaning in to kiss her neck down to her collarbone. "Do you think I'm still mocking you?"

Meredith pouted at him. "Fine, you get off the hook this time." She said as she crawled away from him, heading for the almost abandoned picnic basket. Meredith pulled out a huge plastic container and a spoon before coming back to take up her former position. "Dessert?"

"Oh, what is this?" Derek asked, holding the container up to the light. "I didn't put this in there." Meredith rested her head on his lap. "You put this in there?"

"Yes," Meredith said, nodding her head, "Stop complaining and start eating. What I make isn't that bad."

Derek laughed, his eyes twinkling as he shoved the spoon into the mixture that was Meredith's creation before taking a huge bite out of it. She held her breath, waiting for his reaction, frowning slightly when he didn't answer right away.

"You don't like it," Meredith muttered dejectedly, pulling the container away from him. Derek held the plastic box tightly. "Come on, give it to me, you don't like it!"

Pulling the spoon from his mouth, Derek licked his lips before taking another bite. "On the contrary," he said, licking the spoon again, "I love it. I didn't know you could make a mean banana cream pie."

Meredith's eyes widened. "Seriously?"

"Seriously," Derek said, nodding as he held the spoon to Meredith's mouth, "I now have something new to add to my list of 'Charming things about Meredith Grey.'"

"Hmmm, you do?" Meredith said, laughing, "What's in the list then?"

Derek conceded in taking the challenge. Lying down beside her, Derek wrapped his arm around her small frame, her body facing towards him.

"Well, one, you can make a mean banana cream pie," Derek enumerated, making Meredith smile, "And you make sandwiches… really, really good sandwiches that even people who hate mayonnaise learn to love your sandwich. Two, you love lavender. It's everywhere—your shampoo and your conditioner, and that candle you like to light in your room. It soothes you every time you smell it."

"What? But that's only…" Derek held his finger to her lips as he continued.

"You snore, A LOT. But I realized that you only snore loudly when you're tired, and that's because you work thirty-six hour shifts at the hospital. You love that college shirt of yours to sleep in, with flannel pants and warm comforters. You don't like salads, but you eat them because I like it. You like steak, medium-rare, because you enjoy chewing. You were the punk kid in high school, with the pink hair and the black shirts who hated prom and homecoming. You love crossword puzzles, and strawberry ice cream, and moonlight dates with flowers and candy."

Meredith cocked an eyebrow at him. "You know weird things about me."

"Well, I know a lot of other things," Derek said, winking. "I'm not yet done."

"Oh-kay…" 

"Tequila. When you're having a bad day, you get tequila. You don't dance in public, just like me, but you dance when you're drunk. Then, when you're drunk, we get to have great sex."

"Oh, you are nasty!" Meredith said, hitting him playfully. Derek laughed.

"You care a lot about your friends, because they're family. You're great with kids, babies like you. And even if you don't know it, I see you go up to the nursery sometimes to take a look at the babies there."

Meredith scrunched her nose. "What? You are such a stalker."

"Maybe I am," Derek smiled, "You like to cuddle…"

Meredith cut in. "I only cuddle up to YOU." She pointed out.

Derek chuckled. "That's good. Because I like to cuddle only with you too." He paused. "And you don't hug people that often, but when you do, people like it. And your smile? It makes people feel better, and it's rare for people to see you smile and they feel happy when you do."

Meredith looked back at Derek's blue eyes. She had to give it to this guy; he knew a lot about her. Heck, he could've even memorized her entire medical history without her knowing it. This was Derek, and Derek loved to know things that don't matter to other people.

She knew a lot about him too. A lot of things other than his mother's maiden name or his four sisters and nine nieces and five nephews. Like the fact that he was a geek, with acne and the afro hair playing the sax in the bad band uniform. She knew more other than his favorite coffee flavored ice cream or his single malt scotch and his addiction to fly fishing. Why he never dances in public, or why he cheats on the Sunday crossword puzzle. She knows why he doesn't ride motorcycles anymore, and for the life of it all, she knew why of all the places in Seattle, Derek just had to buy this land in front of a lake. Because Derek loved the water—it was calming and serene, and here in Seattle, it had ferry boats and fishes to catch. Meredith knew things, and the water was just a small part of everything.

"You love ferry boats. You like the wind whipping through your hair when we stand outside the deck." Meredith froze, her eyes locking completely with Derek's. This wasn't the time to talk about ferry boats, or water, or… "You're a great swimmer. The hundreds of times we swam in the lake, you beat me half the time because you swim really well."

Derek stared back at Meredith's blue-green eyes. He knew full well that he shouldn't have opened up the topic, but nothing seemed to be the right time to open it up but now. She had a wounded expression on her face as memories of the past week came flooding in.

"You've been thinking a lot," Meredith cut in softly, evidently breaking the silence that hung in the air. Derek tightened an arm around her. She looked at him sadly, a small sad smile gracing her lips. "I'm going to tell you some things, and they may not be enough for you…"

"Mer, I'm sorry… I didn't…" Derek started, before she stopped him. Meredith leaned in to rest her forehead with his. "It's okay. You don't get to tell me it doesn't matter, because it does. Okay?"

Derek sighed. "Okay."

"I can't sleep when you're not beside me. And I'm not okay. Most of the time, I'm not okay." Meredith said, sighing heavily as she gazed back at him. "If I do fall asleep without you, I dream. Nightmares—the water and my mother and the dying and…"

"Why didn't you tell me about this before?" He said quietly, running a finger across her cheek, wiping the tear that ran across it.

"I didn't want to worry you," Meredith answered, biting her lower lip, "And I know it's stupid because now you'd be more worried and stuff." Derek stared back at her, intensity in his eyes. She smiled back weakly. "Ask me."

"What?" He was surprised at Meredith's request. Meredith did know how to read him.

"You have to ask for what you want to hear," Meredith whispered softly, letting her small hands run over the stubble in his jaw, "I know you want to ask, and I promise, I'll answer what I can."

Derek smiled. "You're communicating." He intertwined his fingers with hers, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb.

"I'm trying," Meredith nodded. "Go on, ask."

Derek paused. It was his chance, but he was scared. Scared as hell that the answer to his questions were far more than he could handle, scared that Meredith did try to leave him for reasons he might never understand. He was scared to ask the questions he had wanted so badly to ask the moment Meredith opened her eyes.

"Don't be scared Derek," Meredith said softly, squeezing his hand as she said these words, "Because most of the time, I'm the one who's scared and right now, I don't want you to be."

"I don't know how..." Derek heaved, watching Meredith's face waiting for him to ask one question. "It's just… I want to know… You died. And I don't know why…"

Derek immediately felt Meredith's hand on his cheek, her fingers lightly stroking his jaw. "I only gave up for a second Derek," she said softly, her blue-green eyes boring through his blue ones, "the water was cold, and that one second you stop—it keeps you from fighting any longer."

_Meredith was sitting on the floor, facing Denny. She knew this wasn't her place, but disappearing seemed to be the best answer to all her problems and she didn't want to drown—she just wanted to get away. She looked up at Denny._

"_I was swimming, I was fighting. And then I thought, just for a second, I thought, what's the point." A lone tear made its way down her cheek, her hand still stroking Doc's soft fur. "And then I let go, I stopped fighting. Don't tell anybody."_

_  
Denny smiled at her. "Okay." It was one word, but Meredith knew it was enough for her to know that the other person who should understand was Derek._

"I'm sorry…" Meredith choked back the tears springing up to her eyes. She really hated having to cry most of the time, and along with the dreams and panic attacks, the crying just had to stop. Derek reached up to stroke her cheek.

"Mer, you don't…"

Meredith shook her head and sat up, pulling her knees close to her chest, wrapping her arms around it as she faced Derek. He looked on.

"I'm sorry I didn't fight the cold water. I'm sorry I didn't fight the first time you tried to save me. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to… I'm sorry…" She breathed, slightly wincing at the thought she just wanted to express, "I had to die."

"It's just… things are hard. It was a stupid lapse in judgment, thinking that living in a world without you was better. But…"

Derek sat up to face her. Right here, right now, nothing else was important but her—just Meredith. Over the past few days which held bitter memories of fear and abandonment, Derek realized how much it took for her to tell him this. Small, but certainly something. The old Meredith wouldn't have said a single thing about any of this, because the old Meredith would be fine. She'd be drowning but she'd be fine, because the old Meredith Grey did not know how to trust.

But today, Meredith learned that there are reasons to trust other people.

"But…?" Derek stroked her cheek, urging her to continue.

"But I can't live in a place without you, Derek."

Derek's world seemed to have stopped. _I can't live in a place without you_. The words repeated itself over and over inside his head, her voice breaking all the knowledge and wisdom that he learned in his entire career. For once, Meredith accepted the fact that there are certain people you can't live without and for her, it was Derek.

Meredith bit her lip, anxious to know what he was thinking. The moment she said those words, his eyes softened, along with his face as if contemplating and letting the words sink in deeper. He smiled.

"You're smiling." Meredith stated, quite surprised at his reaction. Derek's smile grew wider and he nodded.

"I am." Derek said before taking her face in his hands and kissing her forehead tenderly. "Thank you."

Meredith cocked her head to the side. "It wasn't much."

"I know," Derek said softly as he rested his forehead with hers, "But it was something." Meredith's blue-green eyes locked with his blue ones, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. "You're smiling too."

She nodded. "I feel better now."

"I'm glad you do."

"You're the one person I wanted to fight for Derek."

Derek smiled at Meredith before he wrapped his arms around her tightly. Meredith closed her eyes and Derek kissed the side of her head, the two wishing that the moment wouldn't end anytime soon.


	6. Love Will Remain A Mystery

**A/N: Oh my goodness, I finally finished it! sigh After the longest time (sorry, it was the school and a whole lot of other stuff), I finally had the time to finish the last chapter of this story and move on with the other stories I have started but have not gone around to posting. I will put it up in a few days. Hee. Anyway, thanks to everyone who reviewed, it was really nice. Hopefully you enjoyed this story and read my next ones. :) Enjoy!**

**Please read and review! Thank you:)**

_**Love will remain a mystery**_

_**But give me your hand and you will see**_

_**Your heart is keeping time with me**_

"Okay. Seriously Meredith, you are scaring me." Cristina said, looking back at Meredith as they sat around the island in Meredith's kitchen. "Like seriously, freaky scary."

Meredith rolled her eyes, shoving a forkful of the chocolate cake that Izzie just baked. While Meredith was thankful that her friends were around when she needed them, she often wondered how her life would be a lot less complicated if everyone didn't hang out at her place when they had their days off.

"Cristina," Meredith said, licking her fork of the chocolate frosting, "What did I ever do to you? I'm not freaky scary. How did I get freaky scary?"

Cristina shook her head. "Oh yes. Yes you are." She insisted, waving her fork at Meredith. "You are freaky scary and whatever because you're like all bright and shiny and it's not because you're just saying."

"Oh, come on Cristina," Izzie countered, "leave Mer alone. She's happy."

"Barbie's actually buying it."

Meredith sighed and smiled. What her friends were saying were actually true. She was happy—bright and shiny happy that she often caught herself smiling for no apparent reason and Derek would often tease her about it. But she didn't care because she was in complete bliss. For the first time in her life, she was truly happy, not just trying to be one.

Izzie's voice brought Meredith back to reality. "Of course I'm buying it. Look at her, she's smiling and happy and it's not just because she and Derek have been having marathon sex here at home." Izzie insisted between bites. "Right Mer? You're happy not just because of the sex?"

Meredith winced. Talking about her sex life? Not a very good topic of discussion this early in the morning.

"Alright, let's do this once," Meredith announced, slamming her palms over the table and standing to face Izzie and Cristina, "Cristina, I'm not freaky scary. Izzie's right, I am happy," Izzie grinned at Cristina, obviously happy about her victorious edge over the competitive girl. Meredith continued, "And Izzie, sex marathons?! Seriously!"

Izzie rolled her eyes. "Sorry," she muttered, "But I was just saying!"

"I'm not having sex marathons!"

"It's an expression," Izzie said exasperatedly, shaking her head, "well, at least in this house it's an expression."

"It shouldn't be," Meredith huffed, shoving another forkful of Izzie's cake in her mouth, "Can't anybody get some privacy in this house?"

Izzie and Cristina immediately shook their heads. "Nah. Not really." The two said in unison, both eyebrows rising in surprise when they said the same thing. Meredith glared at the two of them.

"Good morning!" Derek greeted as he stepped inside the kitchen, all three women gabbing mindlessly at what horribly sounded like a morning discussion of his sex life with his girlfriend. Meredith turned, a fork raised in the air with a piece of chocolate cake hanging precariously on its edge, ready for him the moment he came within arm's length. Derek stared at the cake. "You're eating cake for breakfast?"

"Well, it's just as good as cereal," Meredith said, shrugging as Derek quickly took a bite of the cake. "I know you like it."

Derek winked back at her, leaning closer to give her a morning kiss. "Maybe I did."

Meredith kissed him back. "Maybe you liked the kiss better." She whispered, her breath catching his lips. From the corner of her eyes, Meredith could see Cristina cringing in disgust while Izzie watched the two of them with a huge Cheshire cat grin on her face. She looked back at Derek. "I think Cristina is about to explode from all our bright and shiny-ness here."

"Maybe she's not." Derek whispered back.

"Why not?"

"Because it's nice."

"Or maybe," Cristina's face suddenly popped up right beside the couple, "you two should stop." Derek and Meredith both raised their eyebrows at her. Cristina glared back. "You know, before I gag to death here."

Meredith rolled her eyes at her best friend, shaking her head in disbelief. Sometimes, Cristina was just downright impossible. Derek chuckled in amusement, sitting beside Meredith and grabbing a muffin that sat on the corner of the island. Meredith looked at him again.

"Why are you all dressed up?" She asked, eyeing the impeccably dressed being sitting right beside her. Derek was wearing one of his favorite washed jeans and a button down striped shirt paired with a dark colored sweater which surprisingly was one of Meredith's picks during the one time she went shopping with him. "Where are you going?"

He shrugged. "Hospital." Truth be told, he was going out to get something for Meredith, today being the day after their "talk". Something around the lines of a 'promise gift'. Meredith quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Why are you going to the hospital?" She asked, "You're not on-call, are you?"

"No, no." Derek shook his head, "It's just one of my critical patients. I'm not scrubbing in on any surgery; I'm just going to check on him." Meredith continued to look at him. "Did you want to come?"

Meredith hesitated. "Well, kind of..." Izzie immediately cut her off.

"But you told us you were going to stay home all day!" She whined, pouting at Meredith. "That's why I made the cake and the cobbler!"

"And that's why the wine is in the cupboard." Cristina said, her head stuck inside the fridge looking for something to eat other than cake. She pulled her head out and faced her person. "Wine, Meredith. We don't normally do wine."

Meredith sighed and smiled at Derek apologetically. "I guess, I won't be going then," she muttered softly, wrapping her arms around Derek's neck, "because nobody wants me to leave my damn house. As if getting stuck inside for a week isn't bad enough."

Derek laughed. "I'm sure you three will find something to do." He said, kissing her forehead. "Call me if you need anything?"

"I will." She nodded, kissing him briefly before he pulled back to head to his destination. "I love you."

Derek stopped. "I love you too." He said, turning once and smiling at her before finally exiting the kitchen.

"And thank God that was over." Cristina said, once again taking the place that Derek occupied earlier. "Meredith, you are so cheesy."

Meredith grinned wickedly at her. "Well I guess you will just have to live with it."

ooo

"I'm not really sure why you're dragging me out of the hospital at this ungodly hour." Mark said dryly as he shifted in the passenger seat of Derek's car. "Is there a way that you could possibly clue me as to where the hell we are going?"

Derek snorted, uncharacteristically rolling his eyes at his 'ex-best friend' he was supposedly reconciling with. "You're good with gifts," he looked at Mark, "Right?"

"Maybe," Mark shrugged, "What do you need my services for?"

"I really didn't have to take you with me, you know."

"Why not? Were you planning to give Grey a book about the strong righteous women of the world?" Mark muttered sarcastically, chuckling at the face Derek's face took, "Or a huge, giant stuffed bear?" He was talking about the ridiculously insane idea Derek had that women still enjoyed stuffed bears at the age of thirty.

"Shut up."

Mark laughed, the feeling of old times filling him on the inside. It sort of felt like college all over again, probably more of the drama and less of the ladies. Who knew Derek Shepherd would still be the hopelessly romantic guy everyone had a crush on and he was still the same old pretty boy with the outrageously cocky attitude. He turned to face Derek seriously.

"Why are you getting Meredith a gift all of a sudden?" He asked, curiosity building up inside him. Mark knew Derek liked to give gifts to his girls, but it usually meant that there was some sort of occasion for a gift to be considered. If it was out of the blue, it had to be something special—too special considering Derek was pulling the car inside the parking lot of Tiffany and Co.

Derek stopped, his eyes directed to the store in front of him. "Meredith and I had… the talk." He said, slightly looking at Mark. "I… just. Well, I felt like I needed to get her something."

"Oh," Mark nodded his head in understanding, "You're planning to propose to Meredith."

"WHAT?" Derek looked at Mark apprehensively, "NO! No, not yet. I mean, I'm not proposing marriage to Meredith anytime soon. She's had enough shock to last her a good few months."

"Then what the hell," Mark said confusedly as they stepped inside the store, "are we doing inside Tiffany's if you are not going to get an engagement ring?"

"I prefer to call it," Derek said as he smiled at the store assistant who came forward to help them, "a promise gift."

Mark groaned. "You have got to be kidding me." He muttered under his breath as he followed Derek to the counter.

ooo

"You made him a banana cream pie." Izzie stated as she cleaned up the kitchen counter. Meredith rolled her eyes.

"You left the ingredients on the counter. With the whole step by step how to guide of making it."

"It's called a recipe. So anyway, tell us about yesterday."

Meredith groaned at what seemed to be the millionth question Izzie has asked about her week. It's not that she could blame her for wanting to catch up on her life; Izzie has been in the hospital all week, only coming home late at night or early in the morning leaving no time for the two roommates to interact. Everyone at the house was exhausted, probably save for Meredith and Derek because all four interns were compensating for the hours lost that Meredith didn't get to cover and not one of them were complaining.

"We had a talk," Meredith mumbled, "a long, incredibly overdue talk."

"About?"

"A lot of things," She repeatedly stabbed the cake absentmindedly, causing crumbs to fall off of it, "Mostly about the issues."

Izzie looked at her and back at her cake. "I'd appreciate it if you try not to kill the cake," She said, nodding towards the direction of the now semi-flattened chocolate cake. Meredith stopped. "Did you tell Derek about the dreams?"

"What?" Meredith looked up at Izzie in surprise. She remembered the talk with Alex and she sighed. "Yeah."

"And the panic attacks?"

"He was the one who discovered the panic attacks."

"Oh," Izzie managed to utter before Cristina entered the kitchen, followed by a reluctant Alex and George. Izzie glared at the two men. "What are they doing here?"

"Awww," Alex snickered as he grabbed a huge muffin from the counter, "All work and no play makes Izzie a grumpy Barbie."

A dish towel soared over his head. "Shut up Alex."

"Evil Spawn and Bambi appeared in your front lawn five minutes ago. Told me they wanted to visit you," Cristina said, sitting beside Meredith. She frowned. "What is this? A hospice?"

Meredith laughed. She forgot to tell Cristina that George had called earlier to tell her that he would be coming over to hang out at her place. Alex called to tell her he was having lunch at her place.

"Oh, crap!" Izzie exclaimed, her head stuck inside the refrigerator. Alex peered over the refrigerator door.

"What's wrong?"

"We don't have anything for lunch." Izzie said, finally emerging from the ice box. Meredith looked at her.

"Derek went grocery shopping the other day," She said, half-standing up to look at the semi-empty fridge, "Did we eat all of the stuff he bought?"

"Well, no," Izzie opened the freezer to reveal an assortment of frozen meats inside, "There's still most of the stuff but they all take too long to cook and they're all frozen." All four eyes were directed at her. "I'm going to the store."

"Oh, I'm going to go with you." George volunteered. Izzie glared at him. "Please?"

"Whatever." Izzie left, with George trailing behind. Cristina stood up.

"Okay, Barbie and Bambi have left the building." She announced, shaking the crumbs off her lap. "I'm going to take a shower."

Meredith's eyes followed Cristina leave the kitchen as she headed towards the upstairs bathroom. Alex was sitting across her, busy eating what seemed to be his third plate of cobbler and was continually staring at her. Meredith looked at him in confusion.

"What?"

"Did you do what I told you to do?" Alex asked. Meredith gave him a small smile.

"Would it surprise you if I did?"

Alex shook his head. "No," he replied, smiling, "I knew you'd do it."

Meredith grinned. "Thanks Alex."

"No problem," Alex said, stopping slightly to look at her, "You didn't tell anybody about this, right?"

"About what? You being nice to me?"

"Yeah?"

Meredith paused. "Well, no."

"Good." The two sat in relatively comfortable silence, until Alex spoke up. "Mer?"

"Yep?"

"Who's sleeping in Bambi's room?" Meredith looked at him suddenly.

"No one. Why?"

Alex shifted uncomfortably, spearing a strawberry on the end of his fork. "It's nothing really… it's just the apartment I'm staying in…"

"Do you want to move in?" Meredith asked without thinking, her head tilted to look at Alex. He stared back at her.

"Seriously?"

She shrugged. "Yeah, seriously. I mean, George is living with Callie and you know, it kind of gets boring when it's just Izzie and me here."

Alex paused. "Are you sure Izzie will be okay with this?"

"I don't know," Meredith admitted, before pausing, "but, it's my house."

"Okay," He agreed, "How much rent do I pay?"

Meredith eyed him. "Do you know how to cook?"

"Sure. But it's not as good as Izzie."

"You have a car?"

"Yeah."

"You're not messy and sloppy?"

"Hell no."

"You willing to go to the grocery on your free time and pick up stuff for the house?"

"If I'm not at Joe's, sure." Alex stopped her. "Where are we going with this?"

Meredith sighed. "Izzie and George don't exactly rent their rooms. We share bills and grocery and that's pretty much it." She looked at Alex again. "You okay with that?"

He grinned. "Sure am. When can I move in?"

"I don't know. Whenever you can, I guess."

He nodded. "Tomorrow?" Alex asked.

"Sure, that's okay. Besides, it's my first day back tomorrow, sooooo…" She watched Alex, "It's less of the blowing up from Izzie."

Alex laughed. "Come on, it's Izzie. I'm pretty sure I can deal with cranky Izzie if I can deal with the happy one."

"You're weird." She said, shaking her head. Deep inside, Meredith knew Alex was a great guy. A whole lot better than most men she knew. Even Izzie had to admit that. The front door opened and Derek's familiar voice rang out throughout the room.

"Mer?" He called from the living room, "Hello?"

"Kitchen, Derek!" Meredith called out, smiling slightly at Alex as he rolled his eyes. He whispered to her, "You guys are so totally married." She made a face at Alex and he stopped. "Do I have to live with him too?!"

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Sort of, yes. But he stays in my room, he drives me and Izzie to work, he cooks sometimes… hey, what's wrong with that?"

"Dude," Alex stated, groaning, "I'm going to have to stuff my ears out so I don't hear you and your McDreamy's sex marathons." He was met again by a flying dishtowel, which unfortunately Meredith balled up and hit him square in the forehead. "OW!"

"I am not having sex marathons!" She hissed quietly before Derek entered the kitchen. Alex simply smirked. "And Alex, if there's one rule I will lay down when you move in, it's for you to shut up." Derek looked at them quizzically. "You know what I mean, Alex."

He scoffed. "Fine." Alex looked at the couple before standing up to leave, "I'm going to leave you two lovebirds alone," He said quickly, earning a glare from Meredith. "I'm going, I'm going!" He left the kitchen, slamming the door slightly when he exited. "Sorry!"

Meredith giggled, turning her attention back to her boyfriend. "Sorry about that." She managed to whisper before Derek leaned in to capture her lips in a kiss. "I take it everything went well in the hospital?"

"Everything went well," Derek assured, taking his once vacated position again, "How about you? How were things around here?"

"It was okay," Meredith said, swirling her coffee mug, "Okay, maybe except for Izzie. Something about shopping for easy to cook food so she went out to get stuff for lunch. Oh, and Alex is moving in with us."

"Karev's moving in here?" Derek mentally noted himself to remind Meredith that they now have to double their grocery allotment. He was not surprised of the sudden move of the young surgeon to Meredith's house. Meredith's friends literally lived in that house.

"Yeah, I figured it'll be better if he stay here. George's room looks so lonely with nobody in it."

Derek watched Meredith clear the table in front of her. Meredith was telling him something about Izzie's insistence on writing the grocery list at least a day before and Cristina's consistent rambling about her marriage to Burke in a few weeks. He didn't seem to hear a thing. His eyes were completely transfixed on her bright face, her soft honey-blonde hair tied messily into a ponytail after her shower that morning was slowly getting unraveled, wisps of it obscuring Derek's view of her clear blue-green eyes. Those slender hips—that place he perfectly knew where to wrap his arms around and make Meredith lean on to him for dear life. He sighed softly, his eyes still completely hypnotized by the woman in front of him. The woman he loved. The woman he almost lost but came back to him. The woman who holds his life in her hands.

"Derek?" Her voice breaks through the bubble he had made, his eyes immediately meeting her concerned ones. "Are you okay?"

"What?" Derek looked up at her. "I'm… Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."

Meredith's face crumpled into a small frown. "Did you listen to the stuff that I said?"

He blanched, slightly embarrassed for being caught daydreaming. "Well," Derek paused, "I was sort of… daydreaming."

"Daydreaming?" She repeated in disbelief, shaking her head slightly. Meredith quieted and Derek noticed it, slightly panicking when he realized that Meredith was laughing. "You were daydreaming?"

"Sort of…" He paused slightly, tilting his head to look at her. "You're laughing at me."

She snickered. "You're funny." Meredith sat down on the chair opposite Derek, her hand touching his cheek. "It's okay; I knew you weren't listening anyway."

"You did?"

"You look glazed."

Derek stuck his tongue out at her and rolled his eyes. "Gee, thanks for that." She smiled slightly, her eyes meeting his for a brief moment. "Do you want to go out for dinner tonight?"

Her eyebrows knit in confusion. "Did you have anything planned? Because I think Izzie's going to cook or something…" She stopped. "But we could go out to dinner if you like."

"No," He shook his head, "It's okay. We'll have dinner here."

"Are you sure?" Meredith asked uncertainly. He nodded. "I'm sure."

The front door of the house opened, followed by the sound of shuffling and Alex's irritated voice. Izzie and George were back from the supermarket, Izzie's partially aggravated voice filtering the wooden walls of the house.

"Alright, everybody out of the kitchen or nobody will be having lunch!" Izzie called out as Derek and Meredith jumped from their seats, leaving the kitchen to Izzie.

"Come on, we better get out of here," Meredith whispered, taking Derek's hand as she held the door open for Izzie and George to pass through with their bags of groceries, "Before little miss sunshine explodes."

"Meredith! I heard that!" Izzie snapped as both Meredith and Derek tiptoed their way out of the kitchen.

ooo

Dinner at Meredith's house was surprisingly filled with surprises. For one, Izzie managed to resist the temptation to bite Callie's head off during the duration of the dinner and was completely civil with George and his wife. Burke and Cristina pretty much had kept the usual medical (and non-medical) banter over dinner to an all-time low and Meredith was happy to know that Alex bought her two pints of strawberry ice cream as a "thank you" gift for letting him move in the house on such short notice. Of course, their biggest surprise was when Derek opened the front door to reveal Mark Sloan with a lopsided grin on his face and two bottles of wine and a bottle of tequila. "Just in case," he muttered to Meredith the moment Derek's shocked face subsided.

After dinner, Meredith and Derek found themselves in the living room, snuggled comfortably under a warm blanket while everyone were busy losing money over the make-shift poker table that served dinner over an hour ago.

"Are we losers that we're here on the couch instead of playing poker?" Meredith asked, giggling slightly when Derek started to kiss the crook of her neck.

"Hmmm? No."

"Why not?" Derek stopped trailing the kisses down Meredith's neck and turned her face towards him. "Because it's better to snuggle here with you than play poker in there." He whispered in her ear, causing her to edge slightly away from him. She laughed.

"You're being such a sappy boyfriend!"

"Am not!"

Meredith rolled her eyes. Most of the time, those playful little banters between her and Derek never ended, thus effectively wasting precious alone time they're about to lose in about 15 hours. She turned, her eyes instantly meeting Derek's blue ones as they sat staring at each other.

"Are we going to spend the entire night staring at each other?" She joked, giving Derek a slightly crooked grin. "'Cause you know, that could work too."

Derek grinned at her. "No, we're not going to stare at each other the entire night," he said, shaking his head in amusement. Pulling away from the comfortable position, Derek pulled the small blue box from inside his pocket, causing Meredith's eyes to widen in alarm. "I have a gift for you."

Meredith stared at him and the blue box in his hand. "You… you do?" She squeaked. Deep inside, she prayed it wasn't 'the thing' she thought it would be. No, she was not ready for that blue box to contain 'the thing' she wasn't ready for.

"Yes, I do," Derek said, catching the slightly panicked look on Meredith's face. He laughed slightly, stroking her cheek with the back of his finger. "Shhh, it's okay. Relax."

She nodded. "Okay." Derek handed her the small box, holding his breath slightly as Meredith opened the gift. Her body slackened and she released the breath she hadn't realized she was holding as she opened the box. A small star hung loosely on the silver chain and Meredith looked up at Derek. "Oh… Wow. Derek, um…"

"I know it's sparkly and all, and it's okay if you don't wear it every…" Meredith slid the chain from the box, holding the necklace up to the light as she watched the streaks bounce off the small pendant. It was sparkly, partly due to the fact that a small solitaire diamond was embedded neatly on to the center of the star, but it was simple enough to be the kind of jewelry Meredith would wear. Derek looked at her incredulously when she opened the clasp and held the chain over her neck. "You're wearing it?" He asked, slight shock coursing through his body as he closed the clasp of the chain under her hair.

Meredith looked back at him, feeling the small pendant resting on her collarbone. "Shouldn't I be?" She asked, smiling back at Derek. "It's not an engagement ring." He shook his head.

"Were you expecting that?"

"I was hoping that when I opened the box it wasn't one." She looked up shyly at him, before turning to look at the pendant again. "Thank you, Derek."

"Mark thought I was buying you a ring." She blinked.

"The ring? I'm not ready for that. Sometime in the future… but… I'm pretty sure I'd want one from you."

Derek nodded, kissing the side of Meredith's head in return. "You will baby, you will." Running his finger over the chain, Derek smiled at the perfection of the gift he just gave. "I'm just happy you liked it."

"Of course I like it." Meredith paused slightly, and took his hand in hers. "You never really told me what this is for."

"Well," Derek shifted, breathing deeply as he focused on Meredith, "After yesterday and the week before, I just realized how much I'd lose…"

Meredith looked up at him. "What?"

Derek placed his finger on her lips. "Shhh, let me finish." She nodded. "It's my promise. I know you don't like the saving. I know you're not the damsel in distress. But I want to be your knight in shining whatever, because for the most part… you saved me first."

"Derek…"

"I know I've hurt you so much before. And I'm sorry, I know, I can't take that back. It's not a promise that everything will be perfect. I can't promise that I'm not going to hurt you again or that I can make everything better just because… it's just…" He sighed, closing his eyes for a moment before resuming. "It's a promise that you'll have me—that I'll always be here by your side. Through whatever it is that we have to go through—tequila shooting nights at Joe's or breaking down in tears inside a linen closet." Meredith smiled slightly, remembering the moment she spent bawling and breathing over an empty paper bag inside a linen closet with Derek for comfort. He looked at her. "I'm always going to be right here, because Mer?"

"Yeah?"

"I also can't live in a world without you."

Meredith blinked rapidly, trying desperately to fend off the onslaught of tears that were soon bound to come from Derek's speech. She was the one who couldn't live without Derek. She was the one who couldn't help but come back for him. Derek smiled. "Did I just sound crazy to you or something?"

She laughed, a few tears hanging on her lashes. "No, no. You didn't sound crazy."

"Are you sure?" He tilted his head to look at her. "'Cause I can change the whole speech and…"

"You're rambling," Meredith stated, "It's okay. I know what you're trying to say." She smiled.

"I got you a little star."

Meredith nodded, her eyes directed towards the small pendant. "Yeah, why is that?"

He shifted. "Remember when I told you that you were my bright and shiny?" She smirked. "Does that work as an explanation?"

"Bright and shiny is about sunshine."

"But the sun _is _a star," Derek protested, earning him a good smack on the arm from Meredith, "Am I right, or _am I right_?" He wiggled his eyebrows tauntingly at her, causing Meredith's giggles to reverberate around the small room. He shrugged. "I was watching Discovery Kids the other day."

Meredith rested her head on his shoulder. "You know I love you, right?" She whispered softly as Derek took her hand with his left, intertwining their fingers together.

He smirked. "I think I've heard something about that before," Meredith shifted and he wrapped his arm tightly around her. "I'm pretty sure you know I love you as much."

"I know…"

For a moment there, they were both silent. They could hear their friends in the other room, laughing, some voices (which highly sounded like Cristina's) were obviously inebriated, but nonetheless happy. Meredith and Derek were sure of that. And the two of them were happy too as they sat in the couch, wrapped in their own happy bubble. His fingers were still intertwined with her when he whispered softly in her ear.

"How did I get so lucky with you?"

"I don't know." She smiled. "I'm pretty lucky to have you too."

"I'm lucky I fell in love with you."

She cocked her head at him. "Yeah? Didn't I fall in love with you first?"

"I'm not sure," Derek relaxed as Meredith leaned onto him, "I was pretty sure it was me the first time around."

"Yeah?"

"Well, you were pretty desirable right from the start."

"And you were pretty much the stubborn guy in the bar wearing the red shirt," She giggled, "Who undoubtedly, I fell in love with."

He scoffed. "We really wouldn't know who fell in love first, would we?"

Meredith looked up at him, shaking her head slightly. "No." Swinging her legs off the couch, Meredith stood up in front of Derek, her hand outstretched to him. He stared at her.

"Where…?" Derek reached out and wrapped her tiny hand in his own. "Where are we going?" He asked curiously as Meredith pulled him towards the direction of the front door. Meredith pulled off their coats from the rack and Derek helped her put it on as he finished with his own.

Derek pulled Meredith closer to his body, his fingers instantly entwining perfectly with her own. He leaned closer, his face merely inches away from her and she smiled.

"I remember the time when I fell in love with you." His blue eyes met her blue-green ones.

"Yeah?"

"Mmm-hmmm."

He rested his forehead with hers. "And when was that?"

"When you took my hand and asked me to take everything on faith."

Derek smiled. "I think… it was the same for me too." He pulled away from Meredith and stretched out his hand to her. She reached out to him. "You'd be happy to know I have your hand this time." Derek said softly as he opened the front door, pulling Meredith to his side as they walked out to the night.

**The End**


End file.
